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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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ScatteredMind

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ScatteredMind
  • Town/Country : Israel
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 7 August 1991 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 1309
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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ScatteredMind's favorite FMLs

Today, I received the newspaper from my hometown. My ex-husband's wedding announcement and picture were on the front page. His new wife has the same first name as me. All my Facebook friends from high school commented on how much weight I've lost and how good I look in my wedding photo. FML

#6021745 (50)

I agree, your life sucks (29329) - you deserved it (2079)

On 10/27/2009 at 9:32am - misc - by WasFeelingGood (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML

#6021722 (204)

I agree, your life sucks (46966) - you deserved it (4586)

On 10/27/2009 at 9:27am - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114 (225)

I agree, your life sucks (66538) - you deserved it (9413)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking to my friends Halloween themed birthday party in my zombie costume. Apparently, my crazy coke addicted neighbor found the costume too realistic. He tackled me. FML

#5620240 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (30138) - you deserved it (2411)

On 10/03/2009 at 11:34am - health - by Pwnedofthedead (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was driving in the left lane and was suddenly hit by a woman who was in the right lane. I ran off the road, taking out a fence and totaling my car. When the cops asked the woman what happened she responded, "My tom-tom told me to turn left." FML

#5167647 (219)

I agree, your life sucks (39219) - you deserved it (1376)

On 09/10/2009 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years told me that I was part of an experiment for her Sociology doctorate. I also learned that the notebooks she's been writing in for the past three years aren't for her "doctorate in literature" as she had told me, they were notes on my behavior for the past 3 years. FML

#5166110 (163)

I agree, your life sucks (39612) - you deserved it (2104)

On 09/10/2009 at 9:37am - love - by Dave (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML

#5165059 (274)

I agree, your life sucks (36197) - you deserved it (10500)

On 09/10/2009 at 6:55am - misc - by drugged_on_arrival (man) - Virgin Islands British

Today, my 11 year old son and I were going through some old photos. He saw one of me when I was 22 on a beach wearing a bikini. He said " Wow! Who's that?!" Quite proudly I said it was me. He looked at me and said " Whats happened?!". FML

#5164588 (99)

I agree, your life sucks (28620) - you deserved it (5213)

On 09/10/2009 at 5:13am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, for the first time ever, while I was driving I ran over a squirrel. It was in front of three little girls at their lemonade stand. FML

#5141393 (103)

I agree, your life sucks (28557) - you deserved it (3870)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out why my wealthy biological parents put me up for adoption leaving me to live with two deadbeats I hate. They weren't ready for kids. They have two kids, one adopted when he was two weeks old. He is only a month younger than me. FML

#5119885 (126)

I agree, your life sucks (48986) - you deserved it (1774)

On 09/08/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by jstar (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my dad bought me a new laptop for my birthday. That's because he wants to use my old laptop for work, which is more expensive, has better specs, runs faster, and has a wider screen than my new computer. I just got a downgraded laptop as my birthday present. FML

#5054381 (162)

I agree, your life sucks (35751) - you deserved it (2201)

On 09/05/2009 at 1:59am - misc - by applebearcat (man) - Malaysia (Perak)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML

#5050946 (89)

I agree, your life sucks (10704) - you deserved it (32123)

On 09/04/2009 at 11:07pm - misc - by flexibleflatulance (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my little sister recieved a fairy costume from my aunt. She put it on and waves her wand at me. She said,"Abra cadabra bibbity poo. I wish Sydney was pretty." When I did nothing, she put her hands on her hips and says,"Cant you just act pretty?" FML

#4839139 (107)

I agree, your life sucks (32002) - you deserved it (3654)

On 08/26/2009 at 4:31pm - kids - by yummolives (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML

#4827705 (119)

I agree, your life sucks (53449) - you deserved it (2517)

On 08/26/2009 at 1:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I had my first real date with my first serious boyfriend. I was nervous because from past experience. I learned my lips were a bit ticklish and I usually giggled a bit during kissing. Well, we started making out and I thought was I doing pretty good hiding my laughs. Until I wet myself. FML

#4819197 (150)

I agree, your life sucks (37028) - you deserved it (7230)

On 08/25/2009 at 7:56pm - love - by RitaDahhlinnnng (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)