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Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39407) - you totally deserved it (9121)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States
Today, my friend thought it would be funny to put a pretzel on my forehead while I was sleeping on the beach. I now have a pretzle-shaped tan line in the middle of my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30399) - you totally deserved it (5444)
On 07/16/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by joe1234 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was interviewed by this TV crew who asked me what I thought of Rhode Island being voted for the second most neurotic state. I thought they said that Rhode Island was the second most erotic state. I commented. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26234) - you totally deserved it (7401)
On 07/16/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by newsgirl (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit and she screamed "Don't touch me there!". Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32095) - you totally deserved it (3849)
On 07/15/2009 at 7:22pm - kids - by shway (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML
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On 07/13/2009 at 6:18pm - misc - by iJehx (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML
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On 07/09/2009 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - France (Midi-Pyrenees)
Today, I went to my 7 year old son's school for a conference with his teacher. When I got there, the teacher said "she adored me for who and what I am". I was puzzled. Turns out my son told his class that I am a "lesbian American." Wrong. I'm Lebanese-American. FML
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On 06/30/2009 at 12:17pm - kids - by lebanesewoman (woman) - Hong Kong
Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML
I agree, your life sucks (33317) - you totally deserved it (4567)
On 06/30/2009 at 7:53am - health - by poopshooter101 (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49450) - you totally deserved it (6079)
On 06/25/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, the cops showed up to check out a child abuse complaint, I then had to spend an hour explaining that I had given my son a suppository. The neighbors heard him sobbing hysterically "Daddy, why did you put that in my butt? It hurts." My neighbor had heard and thought I was raping my son. FML
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On 06/24/2009 at 5:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was texting this guy that I really liked. Things were going pretty well. I got a call from his number and excitedly answered it. It was his girlfriend asking if he was bothering me because he likes to text random people when hes drunk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30655) - you totally deserved it (2983)
On 06/24/2009 at 11:33am - love - by MoxyR12 (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML
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On 06/20/2009 at 10:29pm - misc - by meantowheels (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my phone died. I plugged it in to charge and then went out to run some errands. When I returned, my phone was no where to be found, and our shovel was on the floor, muddy and wet. I then discovered my 6-year old son had buried my "dead" 200$ palmpilot because he had felt sorry for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31145) - you totally deserved it (3451)
On 06/19/2009 at 1:57pm - kids - by no_service (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I picked up my 17 years old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said "so you are the daddy" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a ho and I a perv. FML
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On 06/16/2009 at 1:22pm - intimacy - by enderw (man) - United States
Today, I was on the phone with a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself so I said that I was fun, attractive and a little chubby but not fat. My 7 year old sister walked up to me and screamed "Jesus doesn't like it when we lie!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (33050) - you totally deserved it (7874)
On 06/15/2009 at 3:11pm - love - by apparentlyugly (woman) - United States
