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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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Today, friends took work laptop and changd the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you ned to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML
Today... it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnome in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras...hich I thought had deterred the idiot... until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnome on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. fat FML
Today, being near-broke, I resortd to sopping at Walmart!! Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a uman being sovd me away from te bacon I was looking at!! I fell, bustd ma lip, ten got screamd at by anoter woman for not watcing were I was going!! FML
Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy; I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off all eyes turned to me. FML
Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins an had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML
I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting fir her result . Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML
Today , I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined , an I had to stand an watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was ( God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking. ) fat FML
Yesterday, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said u could, but anything u caught under 5 inche has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried an complained to my boss.
yesterday my parents decided that since summer is almost here, it's a great opportunity to start having nude barbecues. I found this out after walking out into the backyard, hoping to sun myself a little, only to see the living nightmare that is my parents' naked bodies. FML
Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad nieghborhood, cuz I ended up bieng chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" fat FML
Today, mah cockgoblin of an ex showed up at mah house, begging me to take him back . This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me looool into sleeping with him after he "escaped" . When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch . FML
Today,hile on an escalator, instead of just telling me underwear label was hanging out of jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself!! You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015