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Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18315) - you deserved it (30227)
On 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by Brock (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25416) - you deserved it (14160)
On 02/02/2013 at 7:08am - misc - by ineedalife (woman) - Australia
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25889) - you deserved it (10108) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/18/2013 at 6:39am - animals - by dormeur - Sent from mobile version
Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23410) - you deserved it (2074)
On 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm - misc - by anon - United States (Ohio)
Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31322) - you deserved it (2923)
On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37437) - you deserved it (6430)
On 12/24/2012 at 8:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11362) - you deserved it (24379)
On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14674) - you deserved it (970)
On 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by reedcarter -
Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18349) - you deserved it (1222)
On 10/25/2012 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Agirl (woman) - United States (California)
Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15924) - you deserved it (2687) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 10/17/2012 at 1:18am - love - by Anonymous - France (Bretagne)
Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21048) - you deserved it (2392)
On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12485) - you deserved it (15245)
On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16107) - you deserved it (7486)
Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12503) - you deserved it (6238)
On 08/19/2012 at 10:19pm - animals - by speshlk37 (man) - United States
Today, I found myself trying to explain to my puppy why I'm still single. I think I just found out why. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13145) - you deserved it (3954)
On 08/18/2012 at 7:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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