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SarcasticUnicorn

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SarcasticUnicorn
  • Town/Country : Unicorns roam free in , Jupiter
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 5 December 1995 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 1748
  • Number of comments : 134
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About SarcasticUnicorn : I love Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, Frank Sinatra, Snow White, ALF, and hotdogs.

That is all there is to life, really.

Have a lovely day.

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SarcasticUnicorn's favorite FMLs

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year old son comes in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML

#14860597
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14184) - you deserved it (51440)

On 02/06/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got up the nerve to invite the guy I like to hang out at my house. It was also the day my mother decided that our house is a "pants optional zone," and that she should implement that policy immediately. While he was at our house. FML

#14802343
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22675) - you deserved it (2340)

On 02/01/2011 at 9:01pm - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML

#13961412
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23763) - you deserved it (9251)

On 11/24/2010 at 12:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Belgium (Brabant)

Today, I went to the beach with this boy I like. Not thinking it'd be anything more than a simple date, I didn't shave my downstairs. We were sitting on a towel and I laid down. Then he said, "Is there a squirrel in your pants?" FML

#13245157
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15719) - you deserved it (36863)

On 09/29/2010 at 1:59am - intimacy - by Claire (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my Grandmother gave me rosary beads for my birthday. She told me I better start praying for a husband. FML

#13135872
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19435) - you deserved it (1987)

On 09/20/2010 at 11:02pm - misc - by kdgirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to call the number a cute guy had scribbled onto a napkin and given to me. I was greeted by, "Hello, this is Dr. Allen's office." Surprised, because I didn't remember his name being anything close to Allen, I asked who Dr. Allen was. She's a psychologist. FML

#12371102
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25436) - you deserved it (5007)

On 08/07/2010 at 1:10pm - misc - by TRalalla (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

#11434783
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86847) - you deserved it (5669)

On 06/24/2010 at 8:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got dumped because I was on my period. Apparently he was pissed because I have one "like, every single month." FML

Today, I woke up crying in the middle of a nightmare in which my boyfriend of 8 months shot me through the heart whilst laughing as I screamed 'I Love You'. After I told him about this, he took me into his arms as I cried, stroked my back and said, 'What kind of gun was it?' FML

#9019177
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27488) - you deserved it (6329)

On 03/12/2010 at 8:17am - love - by justlittleoldme (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I returned home to find that my boyfriend's dog had gotten into the garbage and ripped all my used pads to shreds. There's a trail of Always tatters leading to his dog bed, and blood everywhere. My blood. Oh God. FML

#8435501
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29819) - you deserved it (2896)

On 02/19/2010 at 3:24am - animals - by OMGraven (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

#8365042
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16540) - you deserved it (1626)

On 02/17/2010 at 1:40am - intimacy - by thatssickkk - United States (California)

Today, I received a message from front desk that my concerned father is trying to contact me. I call only to hear that my parents were freaking out that I wasn't answering my phone. They saw me 9 hours ago. They were going to call the police. I'm in college and also don't live with them anymore. FML

#7416105
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23865) - you deserved it (1779)

On 01/18/2010 at 7:28am - misc - by over_protected (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML

#6968124
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35663) - you deserved it (3806)

On 12/27/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

#6768891
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24717) - you deserved it (6440)

On 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to see a play. I'm pregnant, so I always need to pee. At intermission, I ran to use the bathroom, but there was a really long line. I asked the woman in front of me if I could pass her. She responded, "You don't look pregnant!", and lectured me about lying while I peed my pants. FML

#6737603
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31909) - you deserved it (308)

On 12/13/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by justine (woman) - United States (California)



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