Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

SarcasticUnicorn

Search for a member

SarcasticUnicorn
  • Town/Country : Unicorns roam free in , Jupiter
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 5 December 1995 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 1733
  • Number of comments : 134
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About SarcasticUnicorn : I love Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, Frank Sinatra, Snow White, ALF, and hotdogs.

That is all there is to life, really.

Have a lovely day.

SarcasticUnicorn's last visitors

hahatofunnyMisterCrosssuckstosuckgirlcatchmenow1DrSkillzswick25Mornaiireply_wlyricsCiarasdfghjkl_

SarcasticUnicorn's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

See all of SarcasticUnicorn's badges

SarcasticUnicorn's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

#17727595
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80478) - you deserved it (11876)

On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

#17727595
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80478) - you deserved it (11876)

On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep. He was also completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML

#17628781
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29474) - you deserved it (2849)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:00am - kids - by piece of shed - United States (New York)

Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML

#17431204
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29493) - you deserved it (4044)

On 08/10/2011 at 5:10pm - love - by 6u174r_d00d - United States

Today, I was walking to get ice-cream with my boyfriend. When we were ordering our cone, the girl who was scooping it said to my boyfriend, "Hey I know you! You're the one who slept with my sister-in-law the other night." FML

#17417744
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47735) - you deserved it (4469)

On 08/09/2011 at 12:08pm - love - by the2girls - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the airport. A creepy man smiled at me, so I politely smiled back. I then realized his shirt said "Smile if you take it in the ass." He then winked at me and walked off. FML

#17315983
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34542) - you deserved it (11900)

On 07/31/2011 at 1:11am - intimacy - by creepedout - United States

Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML

#17190246
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34939) - you deserved it (10176)

On 07/20/2011 at 12:38pm - love - by John (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

#16495261
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8949) - you deserved it (86799)

On 06/04/2011 at 5:36am - love - by PizzaBoySwag (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my son that his grades are dropping and his behavior is getting out of hand. To which he replied, "Yeah, so is your weight." FML

#15843459
333 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35370) - you deserved it (14970)

On 04/19/2011 at 2:38am - kids - by randa -

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend can only orgasm when we have sex to gospel music. FML

#15613942
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45786) - you deserved it (5511)

On 04/03/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by cantgetup (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

#15532710
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52821) - you deserved it (26717)

On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him 'meow' over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML

#15442777
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20631) - you deserved it (60170)

On 03/23/2011 at 12:40am - intimacy - by Fcuked (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

#15334821
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14614) - you deserved it (45272)

On 03/16/2011 at 9:01am - work - by Almostfunny (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

#15038049
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30374) - you deserved it (6398)

On 02/19/2011 at 8:12am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML

#14961230
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37846) - you deserved it (8139)

On 02/13/2011 at 5:32pm - intimacy - by Katrina (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: