About SarcasticUnicorn : I love Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, Frank Sinatra, Snow White, ALF, and hotdogs.
That is all there is to life, really.
Have a lovely day.
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Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71637) - you deserved it (9143)
On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep. He was also completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25048) - you deserved it (2204)
On 08/31/2011 at 10:00am - kids - by piece of shed - United States (New York)
Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28843) - you deserved it (3997)
On 08/10/2011 at 5:10pm - love - by 6u174r_d00d - United States
Today, I was walking to get ice-cream with my boyfriend. When we were ordering our cone, the girl who was scooping it said to my boyfriend, "Hey I know you! You're the one who slept with my sister-in-law the other night." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42316) - you deserved it (3376)
On 08/09/2011 at 12:08pm - love - by the2girls - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was at the airport. A creepy man smiled at me, so I politely smiled back. I then realized his shirt said "Smile if you take it in the ass." He then winked at me and walked off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33774) - you deserved it (11757)
On 07/31/2011 at 1:11am - intimacy - by creepedout - United States
Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31049) - you deserved it (8235)
On 07/20/2011 at 12:38pm - love - by John (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8803) - you deserved it (83541)
On 06/04/2011 at 5:36am - love - by PizzaBoySwag (man) - United States (California)
Today, I told my son that his grades are dropping and his behavior is getting out of hand. To which he replied, "Yeah, so is your weight." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31197) - you deserved it (11845)
On 04/19/2011 at 2:38am - kids - by randa -
Today, I discovered that my girlfriend can only orgasm when we have sex to gospel music. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42584) - you deserved it (4556)
On 04/03/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by cantgetup (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47505) - you deserved it (21371)
On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him 'meow' over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18492) - you deserved it (49004)
On 03/23/2011 at 12:40am - intimacy - by Fcuked (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12620) - you deserved it (36117)
On 03/16/2011 at 9:01am - work - by Almostfunny (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
I agree, your life sucks (28237) - you deserved it (6191)
On 02/19/2011 at 8:12am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34637) - you deserved it (6933)
On 02/13/2011 at 5:32pm - intimacy - by Katrina (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year old son comes in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11584) - you deserved it (41220)
On 02/06/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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