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Sansa_Kroma's favorite FMLs
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML
by scaredofcutouts / 10/10/2012 at 5:44pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
by britchick95 / 10/10/2012 at 4:03pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
by fionnathehuman / 10/09/2012 at 6:56pm / United States / Kids
by anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 1:53am / United States / Kids
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML
by SoSexy / 10/07/2012 at 6:25am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex with me. She suggested a bit of "exercise sex" with him. I'm sure he would have eagerly agreed, if he'd been the one receiving the texts. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2012 at 7:04pm / United States / Intimacy
by didntknowyoucouldbreakit / 10/06/2012 at 4:29pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I wanted to surprise my long distance girlfriend by flying to her unannounced. When I arrived at her house, her family tells me that she herself boarded an unannounced flight to where I lived hours ago. Surprise. FML
by Jex / 10/06/2012 at 6:04am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
by imafunguy / 10/04/2012 at 8:28pm / United States / Love
Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML
by Anonymous / 10/04/2012 at 2:10pm / United States (Nebraska) / Health
by staticman101 / 10/03/2012 at 11:14pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I got a coworker at my new job in trouble, because he kept harassing me and asking me out, even after I clearly told him I wasn't interested. Turns out he's very popular around here, and everyone now hates me for being a trouble-maker and not "taking a compliment." FML
by friendlessatwork / 10/02/2012 at 2:27pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
by Prae / 10/01/2012 at 1:47am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
- Today my manager tried to force me to sign an employee contract (I've worked here a year) that she… Today, I screamed so hard during a nightmare that I developed Laryngitis. I work in a call center.… Today, I had to work a double shift as a server with a multi-fractured foot because my boss decided…