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Today, I picked up my 17 years old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said "so you are the daddy" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a ho and I a perv. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52660) - you deserved it (4452)
On 06/16/2009 at 1:22pm - intimacy - by enderw (man) - United States
Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said "is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" and when I answered "yes," he turned and walked out of the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46358) - you deserved it (4645)
On 06/07/2009 at 3:14pm - misc - by szinna - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was taking a picture with my friend. Her camera can pick out a certain color and only have that color show up in the picture. She chose yellow because of the yellow on my dress. When she showed me the picture, the sash wasn't the only yellow thing; my teeth showed up, too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34940) - you deserved it (14497)
On 06/05/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by becstar90 (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39671) - you deserved it (11908)
On 06/03/2009 at 1:40pm - kids - by psychortiz (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was taking out the trash and I came upon a bill from a veterinary hospital. It was for $50 and it was a bill to put my dog down. My Dad said my dog was missing and I put hundreds of signs around the city. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53775) - you deserved it (1694)
On 05/27/2009 at 12:50am - animals - by KMROYALShottie (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother". FML
I agree, your life sucks (69338) - you deserved it (3437)
On 05/25/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I told my dad that I was going to sleep over my friends house this weekend with a few other guys to play Dungeons and Dragons. He responded with, "Oh, back in my day, me and my pals used to pick on the kids who played Dungeons and Dragons." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18088) - you deserved it (41780)
On 05/25/2009 at 12:14am - misc - by ninjawhat1337 (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72530) - you deserved it (7925)
On 05/22/2009 at 3:50pm - intimacy - by herve (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)
Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54606) - you deserved it (9938)
On 05/21/2009 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by screwed (woman) - United States
Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13908) - you deserved it (44694)
On 05/20/2009 at 8:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, it's the five year anniversary of my father's death. I was cuddling with my boyfriend and crying about how much I missed him. He replied with, "Sometimes, I think you just like to hear yourself talk." FML
I agree, your life sucks (73782) - you deserved it (7579)
On 05/11/2009 at 3:46pm - misc - by bezoar10 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I called my mom while she was out of town and confessed how I have been depressed lately and thinking suicidal thoughts. After my long sob story, she took a breath and said, "OK, just make sure you don't forget to take the dogs out." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45710) - you deserved it (3802)
On 05/11/2009 at 2:21am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my mom told me to follow her car closely to my aunt's house. I kept really close to her which caused me to get pulled over for tailgating. I explained everything to the cop so he went over to my mom to see if that was the truth. My mom said she didn't know me. I got a ticket. Thanks mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64060) - you deserved it (3427)
On 05/10/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by newdriver (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, in my class I was nominated for the guy with the worst hairdo. I don't know what is worse, the fact that I was nominated or the fact that I felt let down when I did not win. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34286) - you deserved it (6592)
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53853) - you deserved it (1864)
On 05/06/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by Gumfanatic302 (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Monday 20 May 2013
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