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Today, I started a new job as a maid. As I was cleaning the master bedroom's en-suite bathroom, the owners of the house came in and started making love. I was too scared to admit I was there, but after there was silence for a few minutes I thought it might be safe to leave. It wasn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43817) - you deserved it (5449)
On 08/12/2009 at 10:25am - misc - by maidmyday (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I found out why my boyfriend gets so upset when I make jokes about him and his best guy friend being lovers. It's because they are. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54733) - you deserved it (6500)
On 08/10/2009 at 12:31pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10618) - you deserved it (41092)
Today, I was working as a host at a pasta dinner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said "that's my mom". FML
I agree, your life sucks (8020) - you deserved it (50198)
On 08/02/2009 at 3:35am - work - by bigmouth (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was sitting on the train and some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6528) - you deserved it (61332)
On 07/31/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17852) - you deserved it (41589)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version
Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50848) - you deserved it (21107)
On 07/23/2009 at 10:26pm - love - by Ella (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61088) - you deserved it (3614)
On 07/23/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by Rory (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I had a fight with my little sister. Later she apologized and made me dinner to make up for it. I thought it was pretty good until I found out that instead of using Parmesan cheese in the recipe, she used foot shavings from her Ped Egg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53150) - you deserved it (5647)
On 07/22/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by vomitingnow (man) - United States
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66902) - you deserved it (13941)
On 07/08/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by onething (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I text her angry, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. 5 Minutes later I get a picture message of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother saying "Shut the **** up, she had appendicitis." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11677) - you deserved it (65524)
On 06/30/2009 at 7:20am - love - by annoyedguy (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I visited my grandma. She offered me some chips in ziploc bag. I thought they were sour cream and onion chips from the look. They tasted funny, but I didn't want to be rude and I kept eating. I looked closer after a while and noticed that what I thought were chives was actually mold. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37573) - you deserved it (6435)
On 06/22/2009 at 1:43am - health - by badeats (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, my boyfriend called me and I told him about the AnimeCon I'm attending, and that I wanted to go as Sailor Mars, he told me he had no idea what that was. After being mad for about ten minutes, I realized that I wanted to break up with him over not knowing what Sailor Moon was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7767) - you deserved it (59605)
On 06/22/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)
Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8256) - you deserved it (45148)
On 06/20/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I picked up my 17 years old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said "so you are the daddy" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a ho and I a perv. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52654) - you deserved it (4451)
On 06/16/2009 at 1:22pm - intimacy - by enderw (man) - United States
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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