About SaintT : I'm in the United States Marine Corps. I'm simply counting down the days 'till I get out and start over as a civilian. I love to work out, skateboard, and play the drums, guitar, and bass guitar and yes, I gun bro.
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SaintT's favorite FMLs
by 3023-dang / 10/15/2012 at 4:27pm / United States / Love
Today, I brought my new puppy home. I saw her sniffing around, so I took her outside to do her business. She simply played in the grass for ten minutes, so I brought her in. She walked in the door, squatted, and shit. She has diarrhea. This is the fourth time today. FML
by Patrick / 10/14/2012 at 12:39am / United States (Louisiana) / Animals
Today, after confronting my boyfriend about cheating on me, he confessed to everything. I was caught off guard by his honesty, but not nearly as caught off guard as I was when he eagerly questioned me on when our breakup sex will be. FML
by You're NOT getting lucky today hun / 10/12/2012 at 5:27am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML
by Dino / 10/12/2012 at 2:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2012 at 10:56pm / United States / Animals
by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML
by Failed Parent / 10/11/2012 at 2:59am / United States / Kids
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML
by scaredofcutouts / 10/10/2012 at 5:44pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by Depression... / 10/10/2012 at 2:01am / United States / Intimacy
Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
by cumhole / 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, a customer handed me a 100 dollar bill. He then told me that it was my tip for doing a good job. He snatched it away just as I touched it, laughed, and said, "Just kidding." He then took his money and left the store. FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 9:57pm / United States (California) / Money
Today, at work, my buddy pulled up in his car. I handed him $40, and he handed me a bag. It must have looked like a drug deal, but he was actually just smuggling in the new Pokémon game for me. I'm 22, and a drug deal would probably have been less embarrassing to explain. FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 12:03pm / Canada (Quebec) / Work
Today, my stepdaughter called to say hello and to give me a warning: she will do whatever it takes to keep me from having a baby with her dad, including pushing me down the stairs. I'm 12 weeks pregnant, and we were going to tell her this weekend. I'm now petrified of a 10-year-old. FML
by AFEmoWifey / 10/09/2012 at 6:21am / United States (Virginia) / Kids
by anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 1:53am / United States / Kids