Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (6 minutes ago) | Search for a member
About SMHsohard : Been an RN probably longer than most of you have been around, so if I mention something medical, you can pretty much assume I know what I'm talking about.
Too damn old to play the suck up game, so if I mention I like someone's comment or think a certain poster sounds like fun, take it for what it is: a compliment.
A word about FML moderation-submissions with any of the following: "today I farted/pooped my pants/got my period and someone pointed it out /put an inappropriate pic on Facebook/drank too much/discovered my crush doesn't know i'm alive/missed an important call because I was busy playing Call of Duty/slept with the wrong sister" will be summarily down voted. As Ron White says, "You can't fix stupid."
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML
Today, I was at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. After he finished his long-winded speech, I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games. It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked, and a couple more for me to be shouted down and kicked out. FML
Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML
Today, I'm at that age where sitting down carries a 50/50 chance of turning my balls into scrambled eggs, a fact confirmed yet again today. Third time this week. I think it's time to switch to briefs. FML
Today, I was replaced in the symphony I play in. I play the clarinet, and a standard symphony only uses two, so getting into one can be quite competitive. My conductor's reasoning? "I was sure you were going to college." I never mentioned college to him, other than saying I wasn't going. FML
Today, I was checking my schedule online and noticed that I wasn't scheduled for any shifts next week. Not thinking it was a big deal, I called HR to get it corrected, only to find out I was laid off and they "forgot" to tell me. FML
Friday 19 December 2014