Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

SApprentice

Offline (yesterday at 10:11pm) | Search for a member

SApprentice

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6274
  • Number of comments : 503
  • Number of FMLs : 3 confirmed out of 53 posted

About SApprentice : I try to be a very nice person, because people should be nice to each other. However, I honestly feel disdain and contempt for a lot of people. It makes me a bit of an a** sometimes. I apologize if I'm ever an a** to you.

I'm getting married in a few months. My life has sucked for years, but maybe it'll get better soon. My fiance and I are planning on children soon after our wedding, and I'm really hoping I don't mess them up. Whatever my faults, I want to be a good mom.

Text speak, poor grammar, and bad spelling all bother me. I refuse to type like that.

I believe that all humans, including myself, are terrible monsters, and life is about trying to be a little less of a horrible person.

That's about everything. I hope your day goes well.

Edit: I am happily married to my wonderful husband, and have become a very content mother. Life has never been so pleasant for me.

SApprentice's page activity

Visits<b>moulchlo</b> - the 10/20/2014 at 1:48am<b>SneezyBear</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 10:19am<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 3:08pm<b>caiteemarie91</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 11:30pm<b>Druu</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 1:56am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 10:10pm<b>Butters_stotch</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 9:05am<b>stingray112</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 7:49pm<b>crissalove</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 5:42pm<b>Chocherz</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 12:55am<b>Skofnung</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 1:31pm<b>skierak97</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 5:44am<b>14huberzb</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 6:42am<b>MacKieDoodle</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 1:24am<b>ShinyMeatBicycle</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 7:40am<b>Juicenub</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 4:59am<b>JusRadz</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 9:11pm<b>TeamTurnUp</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 4:45am

SApprentice's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

See all of SApprentice's badges

SApprentice's favorite FMLs

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

#2427571
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8877) - you deserved it (64471)

On 05/30/2009 at 8:48am - kids - by Jess (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I weighed myself for the first time in a while and confirmed that I have put on a few pounds. I was feeling a bit down about it. I went to work and on arriving a workmate I hadn't seen in a while gave me a hug. She said, 'I love hugging you, you're so nice and squishy.' FML

#2302779
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43984) - you deserved it (7135)

On 05/26/2009 at 4:23am - health - by squishyboy (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, was my sister's and dad's birthday. I accidentally mixed up the gifts I got for them and my dad ended up with a vibrator. He wasn't very happy. FML

#2295349
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15936) - you deserved it (58352)

On 05/25/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by silvercity09 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML

#1692972
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55494) - you deserved it (11145)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:11pm - misc - by jojo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got my eyebrows waxed for the first time in a few months. Once she finished, she handed me the mirror and asked, "How does it feel to look human again?" FML

#194901
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43720) - you deserved it (11329)

On 03/03/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by bluedevil26 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

#112335
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (143611) - you deserved it (11834)

On 02/23/2009 at 7:51am - kids - by lifesucks4me - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic and to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her... Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

#3525
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21410) - you deserved it (5157)

On 01/29/2009 at 10:26pm - misc - by IEatDammit - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answer: 'Well, you don't kiss me often either!". So now she keeps kissing me. FML

#570
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8408) - you deserved it (37956)

On 12/22/2008 at 2:45am - love - by Julian - Sent from mobile version

Today, I'm 65 years old, and I've been given a bottle of wine produced in the year I was born. The wine tastes foul; not a good omen. FML

#563
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19387) - you deserved it (2353)

On 12/21/2008 at 7:14am - misc - by Phil - Sent from mobile version

Today, I played a table tennis final in public. After winning, I went to shake my opponent's hand. He doesn't react or move. It was only the first set. FML

#560
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14059) - you deserved it (9690)

On 12/21/2008 at 2:00am - misc - by Bito - Sent from mobile version

Today, I opened a packet of cereal and it exploded on my keyboard; now, my keyboard crackles. FML

#556
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15189) - you deserved it (10044)

On 12/20/2008 at 3:16am - misc - by Rabzouz - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got fed up with my neighbor who has been coughing, night and day, for six months. I rang at her door to tell her about several remedies I know of to help, so I could sleep. I thus found out she has lung cancer. FML

#538
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11941) - you deserved it (20901)

On 12/17/2008 at 10:38pm - misc - by kisyfrot - Sent from mobile version

Today, my wife, in her magnificent wedding dress, had her period during the ceremony. How did I find out? The same way everyone else did. FML

#505
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44166) - you deserved it (2406)

On 12/13/2008 at 12:48am - misc - by noname - Sent from mobile version

Today, my brand new and very expensive laser printer does actually print 10 times faster than my old one. Except there's nothing printed on the paper. Never mind, at least it makes a cool sound. FML

#458
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20107) - you deserved it (3560)

On 12/06/2008 at 2:51am - misc - by harry - Sent from mobile version

Today, in front of a hospital, I noticed that an old lady was having trouble lighting her cigarette because she had Parkison's. So I went to help her to light it up and she then started chatting with me and told me she had lung cancer. FML

#440
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22963) - you deserved it (5955)

On 12/03/2008 at 1:11am - health - by Anto - Sent from mobile version



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: