Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

SApprentice

Offline (the 10/16/2014 at 4:20pm) | Search for a member

SApprentice

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6177
  • Number of comments : 503
  • Number of FMLs : 3 confirmed out of 53 posted

About SApprentice : I try to be a very nice person, because people should be nice to each other. However, I honestly feel disdain and contempt for a lot of people. It makes me a bit of an a** sometimes. I apologize if I'm ever an a** to you.

I'm getting married in a few months. My life has sucked for years, but maybe it'll get better soon. My fiance and I are planning on children soon after our wedding, and I'm really hoping I don't mess them up. Whatever my faults, I want to be a good mom.

Text speak, poor grammar, and bad spelling all bother me. I refuse to type like that.

I believe that all humans, including myself, are terrible monsters, and life is about trying to be a little less of a horrible person.

That's about everything. I hope your day goes well.

Edit: I am happily married to my wonderful husband, and have become a very content mother. Life has never been so pleasant for me.

SApprentice's page activity

Visits<b>moulchlo</b> - 17 hours ago<b>SneezyBear</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 10:19am<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 3:08pm<b>caiteemarie91</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 11:30pm<b>Druu</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 1:56am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 10:10pm<b>Butters_stotch</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 9:05am<b>stingray112</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 7:49pm<b>crissalove</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 5:42pm<b>Chocherz</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 12:55am<b>Skofnung</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 1:31pm<b>skierak97</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 5:44am<b>14huberzb</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 6:42am<b>MacKieDoodle</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 1:24am<b>ShinyMeatBicycle</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 7:40am<b>Juicenub</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 4:59am<b>JusRadz</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 9:11pm<b>TeamTurnUp</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 4:45am

SApprentice's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

See all of SApprentice's badges

SApprentice's favorite FMLs

Today, I found my daughter's brand new ipod touch. At the bottom of the washing machine. FML

#7147521
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27405) - you deserved it (5518)

On 01/04/2010 at 4:07pm - kids - by payne (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my dad decided to get his friend to help move our old sofas to save money. Its leg got stuck in the doorway, scratched the entire hallway wall, punched a big hole in it and the other leg made a big dent in our front door. We live in an apartment complex and now have to to pay for everything to be fixed. FML

#6610013
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20590) - you deserved it (5641)

On 12/05/2009 at 12:29am - money - by Harry (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, was my mom's birthday. I recently got my first job, thanks to her, and could finally afford to buy her something nice. I spent my first paycheck ever on buying her a very nice bracelet. She said it was nice, then asked if I would mind if she exchanged it for one she actually liked. FML

#5826147
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25684) - you deserved it (3866)

On 10/14/2009 at 6:39am - misc - by mybmw (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML

#5699307
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33185) - you deserved it (10997)

On 10/07/2009 at 7:13am - misc - by shitballs_911 (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. After hundreds passive aggressive comments, my boyfriend and I went into the kitchen. I started complaining to him about how his parents were horrible and mean. Little did I know, his parents had followed us in and were right behind me. FML

#4974765
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13353) - you deserved it (43291)

On 09/01/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, being a big believer in karma, I found it fitting that a girl that was always a bitch to me in high school is now fat and ugly. After sending one of her recent pictures with a mean caption to a few of my friends, I tripped and sprained my wrist falling up the stairs. Karma. FML

#4550264
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12882) - you deserved it (50278)

On 08/15/2009 at 2:51pm - misc - by whatgoesaround (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, after dating my girlfriend for about a month she decided to change her Facebook status to taken. When I saw the update I immediately clicked "Like." Then I looked up and saw I wasn't the person she had put herself in the relationship with. FML

#4533889
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46886) - you deserved it (4951)

On 08/14/2009 at 8:39pm - love - by waitthatsnotme (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML

#4380493
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40975) - you deserved it (6165)

On 08/08/2009 at 4:48am - misc - by rivercitybarf (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at work in a lab. I spent all day growing a large bacterial culture. I went to retrieve it, only to find that someone had turned the incubation shaker up too high, and my flask had flown off and shattered. Not only did I lose all my work, but now the whole room is a biohazard. FML

#3859310
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39256) - you deserved it (3095)

On 07/18/2009 at 3:46pm - work - by startingover (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuddled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML

#3755395
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56838) - you deserved it (3505)

On 07/14/2009 at 7:57pm - animals - by homedoggieo (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my wife tried to catch the bouquet at my sister's wedding. Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that, and she replied "I know". My wife told me that she was divorcing me at my sister's wedding. FML

#3407899
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51518) - you deserved it (2266)

On 07/01/2009 at 8:58pm - love - by dwaggle (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

#3129056
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49466) - you deserved it (2935)

On 06/22/2009 at 8:21pm - work - by the_captain (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I stepped outside to wait for a cute guy to arrive after arduously preparing for our first date. Just as he rounded the corner, I tripped over the last stair and landed headfirst into my mom's fresh pot of snapdragons. My mom uses compost and manure for her plants. FML

#2934855
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38005) - you deserved it (4346)

On 06/16/2009 at 5:13am - love - by flowerfail (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I pulled up to the stoplight near my house. It was dark with no traffic and the car behind me kept edging closer and closer to me. I finally got fed up with waiting and the car and ran it. In fact, it was a cop and he was trying to read my license plate because the back light was out. FML

#2490084
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9089) - you deserved it (49299)

On 06/01/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by PulledOver (woman) - United States



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: