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SApprentice

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SApprentice
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5170
  • Number of comments : 503
  • Number of FMLs : 3 confirmed out of 50 posted

About SApprentice : I try to be a very nice person, because people should be nice to each other. However, I honestly feel disdain and contempt for a lot of people. It makes me a bit of an a** sometimes. I apologize if I'm ever an a** to you.

I'm getting married in a few months. My life has sucked for years, but maybe it'll get better soon. My fiance and I are planning on children soon after our wedding, and I'm really hoping I don't mess them up. Whatever my faults, I want to be a good mom.

Text speak, poor grammar, and bad spelling all bother me. I refuse to type like that.

I believe that all humans, including myself, are terrible monsters, and life is about trying to be a little less of a horrible person.

That's about everything. I hope your day goes well.

Edit: I am happily married to my wonderful husband, and have become a very content mother. Life has never been so pleasant for me.

SApprentice's last visitors

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SApprentice's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

See all of SApprentice's badges

SApprentice's favorite FMLs

Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML

#5699307
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30654) - you deserved it (10374)

On 10/07/2009 at 7:13am - misc - by shitballs_911 (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. After hundreds passive aggressive comments, my boyfriend and I went into the kitchen. I started complaining to him about how his parents were horrible and mean. Little did I know, his parents had followed us in and were right behind me. FML

#4974765
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11459) - you deserved it (39946)

On 09/01/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, being a big believer in karma, I found it fitting that a girl that was always a bitch to me in high school is now fat and ugly. After sending one of her recent pictures with a mean caption to a few of my friends, I tripped and sprained my wrist falling up the stairs. Karma. FML

#4550264
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11352) - you deserved it (47344)

On 08/15/2009 at 2:51pm - misc - by whatgoesaround (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, after dating my girlfriend for about a month she decided to change her Facebook status to taken. When I saw the update I immediately clicked "Like." Then I looked up and saw I wasn't the person she had put herself in the relationship with. FML

#4533889
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43182) - you deserved it (4607)

On 08/14/2009 at 8:39pm - love - by waitthatsnotme (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML

#4380493
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39177) - you deserved it (5948)

On 08/08/2009 at 4:48am - misc - by rivercitybarf (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at work in a lab. I spent all day growing a large bacterial culture. I went to retrieve it, only to find that someone had turned the incubation shaker up too high, and my flask had flown off and shattered. Not only did I lose all my work, but now the whole room is a biohazard. FML

#3859310
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37833) - you deserved it (2969)

On 07/18/2009 at 3:46pm - work - by startingover (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuddled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML

#3755395
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55143) - you deserved it (3363)

On 07/14/2009 at 7:57pm - animals - by homedoggieo (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my wife tried to catch the bouquet at my sister's wedding. Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that, and she replied "I know". My wife told me that she was divorcing me at my sister's wedding. FML

#3407899
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46901) - you deserved it (1960)

On 07/01/2009 at 8:58pm - love - by dwaggle (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

#3129056
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46274) - you deserved it (2660)

On 06/22/2009 at 8:21pm - work - by the_captain (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I stepped outside to wait for a cute guy to arrive after arduously preparing for our first date. Just as he rounded the corner, I tripped over the last stair and landed headfirst into my mom's fresh pot of snapdragons. My mom uses compost and manure for her plants. FML

#2934855
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36139) - you deserved it (4162)

On 06/16/2009 at 5:13am - love - by flowerfail (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I pulled up to the stoplight near my house. It was dark with no traffic and the car behind me kept edging closer and closer to me. I finally got fed up with waiting and the car and ran it. In fact, it was a cop and he was trying to read my license plate because the back light was out. FML

#2490084
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8300) - you deserved it (46770)

On 06/01/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by PulledOver (woman) - United States

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

#2427571
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7982) - you deserved it (61514)

On 05/30/2009 at 8:48am - kids - by Jess (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I weighed myself for the first time in a while and confirmed that I have put on a few pounds. I was feeling a bit down about it. I went to work and on arriving a workmate I hadn't seen in a while gave me a hug. She said, 'I love hugging you, you're so nice and squishy.' FML

#2302779
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40898) - you deserved it (6776)

On 05/26/2009 at 4:23am - health - by squishyboy (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, was my sister's and dad's birthday. I accidentally mixed up the gifts I got for them and my dad ended up with a vibrator. He wasn't very happy. FML

#2295349
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14121) - you deserved it (54886)

On 05/25/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by silvercity09 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)



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