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RubbarDuckie's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/21/2012 at 2:54pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML
by tempted to become single / 10/21/2012 at 12:00pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was singing one of my favorite songs in my car while at a red light. A guy made it a point to get my attention and said, "If you're really going to sing that bad, you should probably roll your windows up." FML
by Anonymous / 10/21/2012 at 12:24am / United States / Miscellaneous
by iamsolid / 10/20/2012 at 11:10am / United States / Health
Today, my husband informed me that he recently slept with a secretary of his to become better at sex for me. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he cheated on me or that he seriously believes that he has a reasonable excuse. FML
by Enragedbitch / 10/20/2012 at 4:49am / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/20/2012 at 4:42am / United States (Arizona) / Kids
by best_mom_ever / 10/19/2012 at 3:59am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML
by AbandonedHouseWife / 10/17/2012 at 4:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I found out that even though your brother agrees to watch your dogs for a week, it does not mean that he will pick up after them. Apparently, it's okay to leave piss and shit all over the deck and floors because they're not his dogs and he shouldn't have to clean up their messes. FML
by JennyPenny / 10/17/2012 at 11:53am / United States (Kansas) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/17/2012 at 6:15am / Australia / Love
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
by Holy Testacles / 10/17/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I got married. I received a beautifully wrapped gift from my dad. I was full of excitement until I opened it and found two taxidermied rabbits. The ones I had when I was in the fifth grade. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 10:48pm / United States / Money
Today, while shopping, an old man came up to me and told me I should be ashamed for walking around fake limping, and that it's horrible to mock people who actually limp from serious injuries. I wasn't faking, I was born without my right leg and I was getting used to my new prosthetic one. FML
by Faker / 10/16/2012 at 5:44pm / United States / Health
Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 12:07am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
- Today, my nutty ex-girlfriend has told our families and friends that I refuse to tell her if I want… Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask the girl I like out. Turns out she just decided she was a… Today, I realized no matter what I try, I can't stimulate my clitorus. I get more pleasure cleaning…