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RubbarDuckie's favorite FMLs
by GiantsFan13 / 07/23/2013 at 10:49am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by foreveralone / 07/23/2013 at 5:51am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
by amanda / 07/23/2013 at 1:17am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, my husband was chased out of a bar after he was seen slipping something into a woman's drink. I was the woman, the 'something' was aspirin, and that's the last time we ever try to role-play. FML
by Anonymous / 07/23/2013 at 12:48am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML
by suckstosuck / 07/23/2013 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I called an airline to try to locate a bag I left on a flight. When I told the phone rep which airport I flew into, he asked me what city it was in. He paused after I told him, then asked me what state Seattle is in. I don't think I'll be getting my bag back. FML
by 1942ford / 07/22/2013 at 10:18pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I confessed to losing my wife's engagement ring, and replacing it with a lookalike months ago. My wife also confessed that her actual engagement ring was locked in the safe, and the one I lost had been a fake. I've been paying the replacement off on my credit card for 6 months. FML
by RonnieG / 07/22/2013 at 6:30pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I got a call from the police. Apparently my son tried robbing a teenage couple, but wound up getting his ass beat by both of them. I don't know what's worse, that my 32-year-old son is a criminal, or that he got it handed to him by 15-year-olds. FML
by Parentalfailure / 07/22/2013 at 5:06pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/22/2013 at 3:08pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain) / Miscellaneous
Today, I've been bedridden for the past two weeks. My boyfriend casually remarked that he understands now why some people cheat on their seriously-ill partners. Thanks for adding to the stress, sweetie. FML
by Anonymous / 07/22/2013 at 2:30pm / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Love
Today, I was at Walmart. A guy in a mobility scooter bumped into me, then told me to "get the fuck out of the way." When I told him to watch his mouth, he got up and shoved me into a shelf. Just a few minutes prior, he'd yelled that he was paralyzed from the waist down. FML
by Anonymous / 07/22/2013 at 12:53pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by xXxXxTOBIxX / 07/22/2013 at 7:49am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was reassuring my girlfriend that I wasn't cheating on her because I was sneaking around. I'm actually just planning a surprise birthday party for her. During the reassuring, I accidentally called her another girl's name. FML
by Anonymous / 07/22/2013 at 4:47am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Love
Today, I got fired from my job as a seafood manager because an entire wedding group came in and started yelling at me, saying the shrimp was horrible and I ruined their wedding. They showed me the leftovers; they never cooked them. They fed raw shrimp at a wedding dinner party. FML
by Gross / 07/21/2013 at 7:20pm / United States (Texas) / Work
- Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, I stumbled upon a slightly drunk neighbor, trying to type in the entry code with his penis.…