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I’m your new creative director
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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
RubbarDuckie's favorite FMLs
Today, I discovered I have epilepsy. 10 years ago, I told my mother about my frequent fits of vertigo, deja vu, nausea, flashes of memory and strange sounds, smells, and images, coupled with an other-worldly feeling. I thought they were holy visions. So did she. FML
by seizure_girl / 08/15/2013 at 9:32am / United States (South Dakota) / Health
by fml / 08/10/2013 at 6:48am / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML
by pardon my English :$ / 08/09/2013 at 6:53pm / France / Work
Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML
by fuck my arse / 08/08/2013 at 6:15pm / United Kingdom (Reading) / Intimacy
Today, I ran into my shitlord of an ex at the store. He took one look at me, yelled "You cheating bitch!" in a wounded voice, then walked away, fake-crying. I got so many dirty looks. The worst part is that I dumped him last month for cheating on me with my "best friend." FML
by Anonymous / 08/08/2013 at 5:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/08/2013 at 4:20pm / United Kingdom (Slough) / Love
Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've had the biggest crush on. He spent the next ten minutes calling me delusional, said that I know nothing about him, and laughed that "this isn't Twilight, for fuck's sake". All he did when I started crying was pat me on the head and leave. FML
by names suck and so do I / 08/08/2013 at 8:54am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/08/2013 at 7:10am / Latvia (Jelgavas) / Health
Today, it was my son's fifth birthday. I asked my grandmother, who is a baker, to make a birthday cake for the party. Two hours after the party started, she arrived drunk with a large ham with candles in it. FML
by Anonymous / 08/08/2013 at 4:03am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/07/2013 at 6:24pm / Egypt / Intimacy
by wekasdjkasldasdkasdzcawqe / 08/07/2013 at 4:55pm / Sweden / Animals
Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML
by shampoomice / 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally worked up the courage to write a girl a note, with my number on it, and the words: "You're stunning. Get in touch sometime." Heart pounding, I saw her, got up, and passed her the note. Then I passed out at her feet. FML
by Anonymous / 08/07/2013 at 11:46am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd ask his dad if it was okay. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "come on, dad" and "but why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML
by (._. ) / 08/06/2013 at 4:35pm / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML
by stillembarrassed / 08/06/2013 at 1:01pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous