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Why am I up so early?
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Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38152) - you deserved it (8661)
On 04/10/2013 at 8:45pm - kids - by Me - United States (California)
Today, my social teacher thought it would be a great idea to have a casual debate about Margaret Thatcher and her legacy. Within 10 minutes, the entire class was yelling, screaming, throwing stuff at each other. I got hit in the face with a binder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31913) - you deserved it (2593)
On 04/10/2013 at 8:40pm - misc - by great idea - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40825) - you deserved it (4245)
On 04/10/2013 at 6:17pm - love - by drama king? (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my husband and I announced our upcoming divorce. My friends told me how sorry they were and that they're available for whatever I need. His friends told him to just call the girl from last weekend and get himself laid again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42709) - you deserved it (5886)
On 04/10/2013 at 3:09pm - love - by a - United States
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is". Orgasm gone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38483) - you deserved it (5545)
On 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by iwassoclose - United States
Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34413) - you deserved it (16710)
On 04/10/2013 at 9:26am - kids - by fatmom (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel. One of my tasks is to clean out the pool robot. While trying to pull it up, I got pulled in. I had to hide naked in the laundry room for an hour while I put my uniform through the dryer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27168) - you deserved it (2579)
On 04/08/2013 at 12:56pm - work - by soakedga - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50768) - you deserved it (10772)
On 03/28/2013 at 11:11am - intimacy - by everyoneheard (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, while in a public bathroom, I threw out my back. A stranger had to help me pull up my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28255) - you deserved it (1549)
On 03/28/2013 at 9:52am - health - by paulinapo - United States (New York)
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25252) - you deserved it (3750)
On 03/28/2013 at 4:19am - animals - by hellostupid (woman) - United States
Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30165) - you deserved it (16996)
On 03/28/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by couch_potato (man) -
Today, I was at the pool when I saw a man eating the food I had ordered near my seat. I immediately ran up to him and asked him to stop stealing my food. I took the food away and threw it in the trash. Seconds later the attendant came out with my actual food. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7272) - you deserved it (50640)
On 03/27/2013 at 9:02pm - misc - by Hahamaster333 -
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
I agree, your life sucks (60718) - you deserved it (5773)
On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)
Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML
I agree, your life sucks (48632) - you deserved it (2559)
On 03/27/2013 at 3:55pm - love - by soontobesingle (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)
Today, I was violently throwing up due to severe morning sickness. My boyfriend looked at me, then turned and walked away. In the end, my daughter gave me some paper towel and her juice. My 18-month-old is more supportive of my pregnancy than her 30-year-old father. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32082) - you deserved it (4810)
On 03/27/2013 at 3:34pm - misc - by InfamousLastWord (woman) - United States
Friday 24 May 2013
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