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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Judgmental
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Perfectionist
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Today, my car window got smashed in. The cop that came to take the report said they'd already caught the guy doing it, he'd smashed in several other car windows, all of the exact same model and color. His reason for doing it was simple: he was drunk and "hated red Jeeps". FML
I agree, your life sucks (24683) - you deserved it (2448)
On 12/17/2012 at 12:08am - misc - by Cold (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27479) - you deserved it (8575)
On 07/18/2011 at 8:36pm - kids - by stargirl - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was having a driving lesson. I ended up driving so badly that my instructor asked me to stop the car. Not so he could explain my mistakes to me, but so he could get out and vomit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16953) - you deserved it (11631)
On 07/02/2011 at 5:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8408) - you deserved it (38250)
On 07/02/2011 at 4:54pm - misc - by Cowgirl_Up37 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42865) - you deserved it (6041)
On 06/10/2011 at 1:01am - work - by MakeMeASandwich (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I found out that my neighbors' 9 year old son has been the one taking a shit on my doorstep everyday. Why? Because Cartman from South Park said that if you keep doing it, the person in the house will move. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31648) - you deserved it (3310)
On 05/14/2011 at 1:07am - misc - by IhateThem - United States
Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31541) - you deserved it (7622)
On 05/13/2011 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by f*cks_sake - United States (Ohio)
Today, as a prank, a friend and I tied a 10 dollar bill to a fishing line, and yanked it away from people as they reached for it. It was going really well until one of our victims pulled a knife and chased us around the block. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10545) - you deserved it (39626)
On 05/12/2011 at 1:53pm - misc - by Jackassed - United States (New York)
Today, while my teacher was helping me with a problem, the gum he was chewing fell from his mouth and down my shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35670) - you deserved it (3340)
On 04/28/2011 at 3:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36242) - you deserved it (5620)
On 03/28/2011 at 2:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Macedonia (Struga)
Today, my husband bought a horse. We don't own any furniture, but we have a flippin' horse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43342) - you deserved it (5134)
On 03/15/2011 at 2:01am - money - by neverthefirst -
Today, I was telling my dad about how I emasculated my guy friends because I can drive a stick shift while they can't. He said, "And you wonder why people think you're a lesbian." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25105) - you deserved it (9082)
On 03/15/2011 at 1:58am - misc - by Megara (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, to punish me for being hungover, my roommate blasted the bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" through his stereo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9370) - you deserved it (23208)
On 02/26/2011 at 5:59pm - misc - by jm_track - United States (Montana)
Today, I treated my mom to a movie and lunch after she'd attended weeks of AA meetings. She snuck in a flask to the movie, and during lunch, she started calling people muggles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24028) - you deserved it (2742)
On 02/26/2011 at 4:53pm - misc - by BackToRehab - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML
I agree, your life sucks (22535) - you deserved it (3299)
On 02/25/2011 at 1:44pm - kids - by Ldp56 (woman) - United States (New York)
Monday 20 May 2013
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