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Rhian00's favorite FMLs
Today, at work, a customer came in and ordered a "Butterbeer Frappuccino." When I said we serve no such thing, she yelled at me for "lying" to her, saying she knew about our "secret menu." She ended up complaining to my manager and demanded that he fire me. FML
by I hate my job / 06/08/2013 at 6:20pm / United States / Work
Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
by Anonymous / 06/08/2013 at 3:01pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/08/2013 at 6:34am / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of my birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? FML
by what the fuck / 06/07/2013 at 5:20pm / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Intimacy
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 3:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML
by future burger flipper / 06/03/2013 at 3:22pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Money
by Me / 06/03/2013 at 1:32am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I accidentally hit someone's car while at the supermarket. I left a note, went shopping, and when I came back my windows were shattered, my tires were slashed and "f you" was written on my windshield. FML
by anonymous / 06/02/2013 at 1:20am / United States (New York) / Transportation
by H1dd3n / 06/01/2013 at 7:31pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/01/2013 at 3:51am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by Terminator101101 / 05/30/2013 at 7:06pm / United States (Nevada) / Love
Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2013 at 11:20am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Love
by sammarli530 / 05/29/2013 at 12:24pm / United States (Illinois) / Money
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 12:51pm / United States (Missouri) / Love