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Ray098's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 6:29pm / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Love
Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML
by Skyler / 04/24/2013 at 3:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
by halliemarie1818 / 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm / United States / Animals
Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML
by anonymous / 04/23/2013 at 5:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Soundofaboner / 04/23/2013 at 12:08pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML
by Anonymous / 04/21/2013 at 7:26pm / United States / Love
Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML
by Human fly / 04/21/2013 at 2:20am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Wallz99 / 04/19/2013 at 2:00am / Pakistan (Azad Kashmir) / Intimacy
by lamelifeguard / 04/19/2013 at 1:07am / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, I was riding my bike home from the store. Wanting to impress some passers-by, I tried to do a trick on a sharp turn. I hit a pole with my balls. As I was lying on the ground in agony, a guy pulled over, took a picture, and took off laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 04/18/2013 at 5:02pm / Bulgaria (Sofiya) / Health
Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML
by saywhat / 04/09/2013 at 7:05am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, my doctor asked me how often I drink, and I responded, "Socially." My three-year-old piped up, "No Mom, you drink all the time." My doctor now thinks I'm a raging alcoholic. My kid has never seen me drink. FML
by AAMBC4 / 04/09/2013 at 6:30am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by Ribbed for Her Disaster / 04/04/2013 at 12:04pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
by nottoosmall / 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend.… Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a… Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two…