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Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75423) - you deserved it (35555)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23873) - you deserved it (51290)
On 05/20/2009 at 11:08pm - love - by zero_minded12 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13937) - you deserved it (44748)
On 05/20/2009 at 8:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14200) - you deserved it (51795)
On 05/19/2009 at 1:06pm - animals - by jrocks (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was trying to remove a temporary tattoo my friend put on my cheek. When warm water and soap didn't work, I tried something else. Just so you know, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers do not, in fact, work by magic. Tell that to the massive chemical burn covering half my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13160) - you deserved it (79460)
On 05/19/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by morningeyes (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56318) - you deserved it (22824)
On 04/29/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by hyper12332 (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, at 4 AM, I locked myself out of my apartment. After calling friends in vain, I decided to just sit on the doorstep and wait for someone to come in. I sat for 10 minutes before a homeless man insisted threateningly that I move. I was kicked off my own front doorstep by a homeless man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44210) - you deserved it (5226)
On 04/29/2009 at 8:38am - misc - by voltumna (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47672) - you deserved it (13786)
On 04/21/2009 at 8:52am - misc - by Kaboom (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58513) - you deserved it (5363)
On 04/19/2009 at 8:17pm - animals - by yuckspider (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was fixing some photos for a client. I spent 20 minutes trying to Photoshop an unusual black dot out of a picture. Only then did I discover it was a black dot on my computer screen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9269) - you deserved it (46923)
On 04/19/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by confusedphotographer (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was eating some left over Easter peanut MandMs at work, when I exclaimed "oh cool, they have E's on them for Easter". It took me a couple of minutes, but I eventually realized that I was looking at a regular MandM sideways. Definitely explains my coworkers' uncontrollable laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9712) - you deserved it (55158)
On 04/16/2009 at 3:44pm - misc - by StewPit (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, half asleep, I dropped my pill before I could take it. I quickly picked it up and washed it down. Five hours later, I just found my pill on the ground. What did I swallow? FML
I agree, your life sucks (86780) - you deserved it (17648)
On 04/13/2009 at 12:12pm - misc - by anonymiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15073) - you deserved it (71761)
On 04/12/2009 at 12:27am - intimacy - by anon13 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I got a haircut for the first time in almost a year. I thought it looked really nice and made me look good. On my way to CVS, I ran into one of my friends. He examined me and said, "You look... like a crack whore." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35869) - you deserved it (3769)
On 04/11/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47079) - you deserved it (129037)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Monday 17 June 2013
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