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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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RNorthlandLGB

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RNorthlandLGB
  • Town/Country : Geneva (G-Town)
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 44769
  • Number of comments : 59
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About RNorthlandLGB : boom, roasted.

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RNorthlandLGB's favorite FMLs

Today, it was supposed to be payday. Instead, it was the day I found out that, for two weeks, I have been volunteering for Habitat for Humanity, and am not actually employed by a construction company. FML

#6386124 (66)

I agree, your life sucks (338) - you deserved it (24746)

On 11/20/2009 at 10:59pm - work - by Masonlee89 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114 (225)

I agree, your life sucks (66551) - you deserved it (9419)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML

#4326730 (340)

I agree, your life sucks (40638) - you deserved it (12211)

On 08/06/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML

#4081805 (148)

I agree, your life sucks (52344) - you deserved it (2139)

On 07/27/2009 at 3:07pm - misc - by webperson04 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, while doing aerobics in my room, I started doing really powerful Knee Highs. My cell phone fell out of my pocket while doing one knee high. As I looked down, I kneed myself in the face. I spent the next couple hours in the emergency room while the doctor told everyone my story. FML

#4054233 (95)

I agree, your life sucks (25896) - you deserved it (13411)

On 07/26/2009 at 1:39pm - health - by mobster (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him I had none, he yelled angrily "who comes to this city without money?" I replied "apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML

#4029321 (215)

I agree, your life sucks (36263) - you deserved it (19557)

On 07/25/2009 at 12:39pm - money - by re2K5 (man) - Korea Republic of (Kyongsang-bukto)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML

#4010717 (228)

I agree, your life sucks (40033) - you deserved it (5018)

On 07/24/2009 at 5:30pm - intimacy - by jcooh0lla (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

#3373378 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (11458) - you deserved it (36198)

On 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML

#3232657 (766)

I agree, your life sucks (66992) - you deserved it (13617)

On 06/26/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by ILuvYouSoldiers (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was in the bathroom at the mall, when a homeless man came in mumbling to himself. Out of the 7 available urinals, he posted up at the one right beside me. Apparently he didn't get the memo that urinals aren't used to shit in. He talked to me the entire time. About his love life. FML

#2740544 (174)

I agree, your life sucks (51834) - you deserved it (2526)

On 06/09/2009 at 12:13pm - misc - by blah (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to take a serious piss. I started urinating and leaned back slightly on my heels. Somehow I lost my balance and fell backward, hitting my head on the wall behind me and spraying myself and my entire bathroom with my own pee. FML

#2412589 (76)

I agree, your life sucks (13341) - you deserved it (29860)

On 05/29/2009 at 8:10pm - misc - by pissingcontest (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481 (435)

I agree, your life sucks (22251) - you deserved it (97760)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

#2005903 (233)

I agree, your life sucks (22858) - you deserved it (64744)

On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

#1929776 (264)

I agree, your life sucks (19264) - you deserved it (47835)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML

#1872793 (230)

I agree, your life sucks (75188) - you deserved it (3287)

On 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)