About QJDynamite : Love FML, should have made an account years ago!
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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
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QJDynamite's favorite FMLs
Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML
by shatMyself / 04/22/2013 at 3:10pm / United States / Health
Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm / Thailand / Kids
by dentedmercedes / 04/20/2013 at 9:43am / United States (Michigan) / Transportation
by How strange / 04/20/2013 at 8:02am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 04/19/2013 at 10:55pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/19/2013 at 2:28pm / United States / Love
by Aberrombie Blue / 04/18/2013 at 7:01pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids
Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML
by Flora / 04/17/2013 at 6:56pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I grabbed a pair of pants from the dryer in a hurry, trying to make it to the bank. When I rushed in, I felt something fall down my leg. It was a pair of my mom's granny panties that had been stuck inside my jeans. I kicked them aside, hoping no one would notice. They did. FML
by pantydropper / 04/17/2013 at 3:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by KatiRozz1 / 04/17/2013 at 1:40pm / United Kingdom (Middlesbrough) / Miscellaneous
Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML
by S. Fancyson / 04/16/2013 at 7:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML
by Anonymous / 04/16/2013 at 7:21pm / United States / Intimacy
by fucklife / 04/16/2013 at 2:13pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Love
by guess I'm stuck / 04/16/2013 at 3:23am / United States (California) / Love
- Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something… Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get… Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I was the love of his life. Afterwards,…