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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
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Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37623) - you deserved it (61540)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:28am - intimacy - by unbelievable208 (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11982) - you deserved it (40043)
On 05/18/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by nothing (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (67346) - you deserved it (17977)
On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (100703) - you deserved it (3610)
On 04/12/2009 at 9:53am - health - by Fitz (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (42485) - you deserved it (484327)
On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML
I agree, your life sucks (435571) - you deserved it (61294)
On 03/16/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by gentileman (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (63839) - you deserved it (12803)
On 03/15/2009 at 10:18pm - intimacy - by hala (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40906) - you deserved it (246626)
On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (459675) - you deserved it (571240)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (43819) - you deserved it (8375)
On 03/08/2009 at 3:08pm - kids - by nutsucker (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16636) - you deserved it (43678)
On 02/24/2009 at 8:43am - misc - by shilpajayseanfan (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear ending the person in front of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4391) - you deserved it (36604)
On 02/09/2009 at 11:54pm - misc - by prettyinpurple - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (525389) - you deserved it (37838)
On 02/06/2009 at 10:29am - intimacy - by caroline (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, a guy in the library came up to me and said, "You look very unproductive. It makes me depressed just watching you". FML
I agree, your life sucks (19569) - you deserved it (3234)
On 02/04/2009 at 12:04pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5080) - you deserved it (47700)
On 01/26/2009 at 8:17pm - misc - by crazyvulva9216 - United States (California)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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