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Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19905) - you deserved it (6929)
On 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Kayla - United States
Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19905) - you deserved it (6929)
On 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Kayla - United States
Today, my bra burst apart in the middle of class. I then had the privilege of asking my male teacher if I could borrow his stapler to put it back together. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20633) - you deserved it (2923)
On 02/13/2012 at 7:28pm - misc - by chlolivia (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was looking through some old family photos. I don't know what the hell was going on in my head, but I idly double-tapped on one to zoom in. They were prints. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6697) - you deserved it (16707)
On 02/10/2012 at 5:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I woke up to one of my hamsters cannibalizing the other. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30239) - you deserved it (3337)
On 02/03/2012 at 1:29pm - animals - by deadhamster - United States
Today, my husband thought it would be "funny" to put laxatives in the cakes for my son's 7th birthday party. Over 40 kids came to the party. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26627) - you deserved it (2592)
On 01/25/2012 at 11:18pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie and eating a burger. Feeling frisky, I sat up and took off my shirt. He looked at my chest, at his burger, then back at me and said, "Give me a minute, I don't want my food to get cold." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13881) - you deserved it (26471)
On 01/24/2012 at 3:50am - intimacy - by elisimo - United States (New York)
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30749) - you deserved it (2952)
On 12/12/2011 at 4:45pm - kids - by Santa - Canada (Ontario)
Today, Santa ran over my foot with a Segway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17364) - you deserved it (1816)
On 12/05/2011 at 8:21am - misc - by areyouserial - United States
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24154) - you deserved it (16842)
On 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10046) - you deserved it (22486)
On 11/04/2011 at 9:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I got a nose bleed in the ladies bathroom. An old lady comes out of a stall and says, "Oh, your nose is bleeding. Well I shit my pants. I'm sure it'll come out in the wash." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17911) - you deserved it (1768)
On 07/13/2011 at 11:15pm - health - by stephiew - United States (Georgia)
Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7468) - you deserved it (82734)
On 06/05/2011 at 8:52pm - misc - by kringr (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35528) - you deserved it (15872)
On 05/09/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by coldwetnose (woman) - United States
Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11101) - you deserved it (53560)
On 03/29/2011 at 2:28am - intimacy - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Friday 24 May 2013
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