About PurplePoet : I like to eat food and stuff. =]
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PurplePoet's favorite FMLs
Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML
by Patrick / 02/22/2010 at 8:29pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML
by Rafiki / 02/21/2010 at 10:14pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/09/2010 at 1:12am / United States (Alabama) / Love
Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML
by Anonymous / 01/25/2010 at 3:47am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by MackeyBoy / 01/23/2010 at 1:15pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a little "fun" in our secluded backyard. It was only after we had finished that we noticed the three little girls, who live next door, jumping up and down on their trampoline, with their mouths wide open. FML
by Tattooed_Blonde / 01/20/2010 at 7:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML
by ilovesocks / 01/20/2010 at 1:17am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfiend of nine months. She's making a lot of noise so I tell her to keep it down and remind her my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later I get a text from my sister saying my parents want to make sure I'm wearing a condom. FML
by StinkyCactus / 01/08/2010 at 1:23am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, when my boyfriend and I were becoming intimate, his cat decides to jump onto the bed and lie right in between us. He then informs me that he wanted to stop to "preserve his cat's innocence." FML
by Madagascar / 12/19/2009 at 5:18am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, I was doing homework in my room when my roommate started meowing all of a sudden. Not only was he meowing, he started to make loud cat noises that resembled a cat being run over by a car. He's gonna be my roommate for the rest of the year. FML
by SeeMeInTheDark / 12/07/2009 at 3:54am / United States (Maryland) / Animals
by Nick / 11/27/2009 at 5:11am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous
Today, I noticed that in my cover letter I wrote "I also have an eye.", instead of "I also have an eye for details.", and I have been sending it out for the past few weeks. No wonder I haven't gotten any replies. FML
by crazylobster / 11/14/2009 at 11:52am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
by JohnB / 10/19/2009 at 8:43pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Michelle / 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
- Today,my little brother invited all ten of his "closest" friends over while our mother was away. I… Today, my little cousin that's sleeping over tried to reenact the game "Elsa brain surgery" with me… Today, after writing an exam, going to the gym, cramming, and then an eight our shift as a barista,…