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Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Today, while using the restroom at work, I dropped my keys into the toilet. I left to find something to get them out and figured nobody would use a toilet with keys in it. I came back to a bowl of dung and "Shit happens" written on the wall in lipstick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24705) - you deserved it (5348)
On 07/05/2011 at 12:04am - work - by Stacy - United States
Today, I arrived home to find my cat dead and note saying, "Sorry, I tripped over him." Not only is my cat dead, but I was robbed by a polite thief. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37865) - you deserved it (1612)
On 11/14/2010 at 2:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - South Africa
Today, I realized why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10 year old son has been peeing on the radiator thinking it was fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23734) - you deserved it (1887)
On 01/10/2010 at 12:17pm - kids - by Amber (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my friend whacked me on the family jewels while I was washing my hands in the college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24794) - you deserved it (1720)
On 01/07/2010 at 11:50am - misc - by TJ (man) - India (Maharashtra)
Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7650) - you deserved it (24857)
On 12/11/2009 at 8:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I got a client who ordered ice cream. She seemed really nice and I thought maybe she was into me. When I asked if she wanted peanuts for an additional 0.50 cents, she said no. Trying to be nice, I added them anyway free of charge. I later had to call the ambulance. She was allergic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6569) - you deserved it (69592)
On 09/21/2009 at 2:06am - love - by FreeOfCharge (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15358) - you deserved it (68097)
On 09/16/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by sarahh38 (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8001) - you deserved it (207620)
On 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, there was a meeting at work. I had to give a presentation to my boss and the other attendants. My first subject was on how my 5 year old son got to my briefcase and replaced the contents of it with crayons and a stuffed teddy bear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34221) - you deserved it (3282)
Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43146) - you deserved it (2566)
On 05/21/2009 at 6:52am - misc - by PublicToiletEspionage (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)
Today, I was surprised to learn that I could carry on intelligent conversations about basketball with my guy friends. Then I realized it was because my boyfriend insists on watching ESPN while we have sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47476) - you deserved it (5933)
On 05/21/2009 at 12:04am - intimacy - by S (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was showing my new iPhone case to my friends, saying how it was scratchproof, shockproof, and waterproof. I demonstrated it by dropping it on the sidewalk from about 5 feet. It bounced onto the road. Apparently, its not truck-proof. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9103) - you deserved it (69673)
On 05/17/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I had organised to go for an all day fishing trip, but had forgotten to book a day off. I called my boss and told him that I had to stay with my mum in hospital after a car crash that she had last night. He called me a liar and fired me. Turns out my mum is having an affair with my boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50949) - you deserved it (11511)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:32am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)
Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on it's back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11051) - you deserved it (38390)
On 05/16/2009 at 8:21am - animals - by killer (woman) - Latvia (Riga)
Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying 'I'm good' or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML
I agree, your life sucks (49952) - you deserved it (17807)
On 05/16/2009 at 5:13am - misc - by UncleRory (man) - United States (New York)
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