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Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14820) - you deserved it (43387)
On 06/03/2009 at 1:23am - love - by boinger (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at Hogwarts started to clap at one point, I started clapping myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17262) - you deserved it (38206)
On 05/30/2009 at 7:48pm - misc - by whoahshloann (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14618) - you deserved it (49286)
On 05/27/2009 at 5:45am - intimacy - by arctic1 (man) - United States (Alaska)
Today, my wife and I watched a documentary film about a kid living with severe asthma. In one scene, the kid has a severe asthma attack, and is rushed to hospital. My wife started laughing hysterically at this and after apologising, goes "it's just he sounded exactly like you in bed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (57154) - you deserved it (5711)
On 05/26/2009 at 4:24am - intimacy - by Weezylover (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, I asked my best friend why she didn't ask our other best friend Anna to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She said, "She's too pretty. I need ugly bridesmaids to make me look better." I am the maid of honor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49954) - you deserved it (2867)
On 05/22/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Neverthebride - United States (Kentucky)
Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54597) - you deserved it (9938)
On 05/21/2009 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by screwed (woman) - United States
Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75268) - you deserved it (35496)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24530) - you deserved it (106419)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50241) - you deserved it (39079)
On 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by madzlovesgee (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year old daughter out to eat. Half-way through our "date" she asks me loudly "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36812) - you deserved it (2322)
On 05/15/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by BigBadTron (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26838) - you deserved it (38225)
On 05/14/2009 at 8:03pm - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34361) - you deserved it (14431)
On 05/13/2009 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the sh*t out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45488) - you deserved it (7571)
On 05/11/2009 at 8:38am - animals - by prevostsrocklike - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26614) - you deserved it (62211)
On 05/09/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my roommate and I were walking to a bar and a group of guys shouted out at us "Hey, it's like we're on Animal Planet, I see a zebra and a gorilla." My roommate was wearing a zebra print shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43510) - you deserved it (4151)
On 05/09/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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