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PoisonedLiquor's FML badges
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PoisonedLiquor's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/25/2014 at 10:43am / United States (New York) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/25/2014 at 7:28am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by SirDirtyRedD / 01/24/2014 at 8:03pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Kids
by limping / 01/24/2014 at 6:10pm / Canada / Kids
by Estee1024 / 01/24/2014 at 12:28am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML
by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 12:15am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML
by Anonymous / 01/23/2014 at 7:10pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy
Today, I went to my first ever job interview. I thought I was doing well, until the recruiter asked why he should hire me. The only thing I could say was "Because I'm really, really nervous right now?" FML
by bebooneo / 01/23/2014 at 5:16pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I decided to dye my hair blue. The result is slightly different than I expected: my white bathroom is now blue, and so are my skin and nails. The only thing that isn't blue is my hair, which is now green. FML
by Anonymous / 01/22/2014 at 10:42pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML
by AnonWife / 01/21/2014 at 8:16pm / United Kingdom (North Lincolnshire) / Health
by Anonymous / 01/20/2014 at 3:23pm / United States (Kansas) / Health
by ugh / 01/16/2014 at 8:37am / Vietnam (Ha Noi) / Intimacy
Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML
by Anonymous / 01/13/2014 at 2:34am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm / Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional) / Animals
by madib33 / 01/11/2014 at 12:49am / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…