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PlaySpades's favorite FMLs
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML
by Anonymous / 06/02/2012 at 12:46pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/30/2012 at 6:35pm / Italy (Lombardia) / Love
Today, after declining an amazing job offer that pays more than double what I make now in order to accept a promotion my boss offered me if I stayed, I asked when I would receive the promotion and pay raise. She snorted and said, "You thought I was serious about that?" FML
by Fackwork / 05/30/2012 at 5:37am / United States (Iowa) / Work
Today, I went to Busch Gardens. Trying to cool off, I got on a ride that soaked me to the bone. For the rest of the time I was there, my bra was visible through my clothes, along with the "Hell Yeah" printed on my underwear. FML
by taylortotscx / 05/27/2012 at 1:15pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I started my third day of a student exchange program in Belgium. My room-mate is a guy, our beds are in the same room, and he's always in and out of the bathroom. Consequently, I don't have nearly enough privacy to choke the cock, if you know what I mean. FML
by MySummerinEurope / 05/25/2012 at 6:59pm / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Intimacy
Today, my grandmother told me my favorite top had a permanent smell of BO, despite my constant deodorant use. I wear the top to work just about every shift. I now realize all the weird little comments my coworkers have made are actually hints to go take a shower. FML
by emliv12 / 05/25/2012 at 3:07am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
by msassy / 05/18/2012 at 10:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by Karmaisabitch / 05/18/2012 at 2:07am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by colts609380 / 05/17/2012 at 5:07pm / United States (California) / Love
by secret_source / 05/17/2012 at 1:05am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/16/2012 at 12:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, my fiancée called our engagement off, because apparently she's actually a complete idiot who will believe anything that a slimy con artist tells her. In this case, a "psychic" who mumbled some shit about me having "a dark aura." FML
by waste of effort / 05/15/2012 at 4:56pm / United Kingdom / Love
by Anonymous / 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a chest x-ray. I thought everything was okay, that is until the tech gasped slightly and muttered, "Mother of God." I asked him what was wrong, and he kept insisting he had no idea what I was talking about. Now I'm so upset I can't even sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 05/02/2012 at 6:41pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Health
Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML
by yosenfal / 04/27/2012 at 9:04pm / United Kingdom (Plymouth) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…