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PlaySpades's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/30/2012 at 7:02pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML
by whatswrongwithit?:( / 09/30/2012 at 3:37pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by / 09/26/2012 at 10:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Alright. / 09/24/2012 at 4:15am / United States (Montana) / Love
Today, I told my parents that I have a boyfriend. I was answering their questions about him, when my dad cut me off mid-sentence. He accused me of lying through my teeth, and said I'd based him off a character from a Harrison Ford movie. FML
by busted / 09/22/2012 at 5:45pm / United Kingdom / Love
by Flighted / 09/22/2012 at 12:54am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML
by Anonymous / 09/21/2012 at 12:51am / United States / Kids
Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML
by dating a fucking idiot / 09/08/2012 at 3:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by noname1025 / 09/04/2012 at 12:44pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, I was working the cash register. While helping a customer with her groceries, my bra snapped. I then had to ask my male boss if I could staple it back together. Thirty minutes later it snapped again. I then had to explain to my boss that I was too broke to buy a new one. FML
by thatgirl17 / 08/31/2012 at 1:23am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, after getting home from a twelve-hour shift at work, I got into bed and passed out. My mother soon woke me up, screaming that she could tell I was "fake sleeping" and ignoring her lecture on how I need to stop being so "lazy". FML
by ipayyourbillsgorramit / 08/24/2012 at 7:29pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 08/21/2012 at 7:17pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself. FML
by Nightmares / 08/07/2012 at 9:19am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML
by TheCerealKiller / 08/07/2012 at 5:19am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML
by Joe Lizen / 08/06/2012 at 9:40pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of…