About Phaolin : I'm 19, only read this stuff on my phone and I get bored easily so if you need to know anything else, well... Try and ask.
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Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
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It’s in the can
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Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29562) - you deserved it (6071)
On 04/07/2013 at 9:47pm - health - by poopy pants - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I sent my girlfriend a text saying, "Your the best girlfriend any man could have, and I think I may be in love with you." Ten minutes later, she responded with, "*you're". FML
I agree, your life sucks (15821) - you deserved it (31111)
On 03/04/2013 at 12:01am - love - by DEATHBYEX1LE - Australia
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23733) - you deserved it (2245)
On 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I thought about how my dad went to get me a Halloween costume and hasn't come home yet. That was 11 years ago. We've moved twice since then. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31958) - you deserved it (1769)
On 03/29/2012 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my coworker friend told me she was going to the restroom. Soon after, I did the same. Once in the stall, I could smell a stench emanating from the next one. I yelled, "Ew, you stinky bitch" and sprayed air freshener under the partition. As I left the stall, my friend walked into the restroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7078) - you deserved it (29335)
On 12/11/2011 at 11:46pm - work - by stinky (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21101) - you deserved it (2762)
On 10/07/2011 at 10:58am - work - by Dr.Octopus454 (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying "milk the penis... miiiiilk the penis." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39353) - you deserved it (10319)
On 05/21/2010 at 11:46am - intimacy - by mperrotta913 (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36605) - you deserved it (5279)
On 10/31/2009 at 3:40pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)
Today, during gym class, my teacher insisted that everyone should to relieve some stress by throwing a basketball at the wall. I wound up and hurled the thing at the wall, it bounced back and hit me in the stomach. I began to vomit uncontrollably. Even my teacher laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31951) - you deserved it (7420)
On 09/17/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by sara (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56508) - you deserved it (2673)
On 06/04/2009 at 8:07am - work - by Mew (man) - United States (California)
Today, I ran into a girl I used to go to school with. We went out for dinner to catch up, and we ended up at my house, watching movies and cuddling. This fantastic and spontaneous date was concluded with several kisses. I dropped her off at her car and drove off. I forgot to get her number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23177) - you deserved it (46392)
On 04/27/2009 at 3:21am - love - by PIRATE_ (man) - United States (Georgia)
Monday 20 May 2013
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