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PengiPou's favorite FMLs
by ShouldveStayedAVirgin / 01/13/2016 at 1:30pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, after months of trying to train my cockatiel to perch on my finger, he finally trusted me enough to fly from his cage and land on my hand. I panicked and accidentally backhanded him across the room. FML
by parasheeeet / 01/13/2016 at 12:05pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals
Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML
by sammy18f / 02/23/2015 at 10:46pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by cwhitney7 / 12/22/2014 at 10:04am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Bahhumbug / 12/22/2014 at 9:24am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML
by ScottyB / 12/22/2014 at 3:05am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/13/2014 at 2:56am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals
Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML
by Diachronic / 09/12/2014 at 4:05am / United States (Idaho) / Work
Today, I saw my teacher using her phone in the middle of class, so to joke around with her, seeing as we're on pretty good terms, I said: "Using your phone in class? For shame." She looks me in the eyes and says, "Would it be ok if I told you I'm arranging my father's funeral?" FML
by lolwut / 09/11/2014 at 2:33am / United States (Oregon) / Work
by dr.mantistobagon / 08/27/2014 at 6:03pm / United States (Vermont) / Intimacy
Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML
by Anonymous / 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by leem / 08/27/2014 at 5:21pm / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Transportation
by KristaAaronn / 08/27/2014 at 8:24am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
Today, a guy in my class was talking about himself. He started his story with, "When I was little, I was a ginger." I replied without thinking, "Is that why you got put up for adoption?" Him being adopted was the actual story he wanted to tell. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2014 at 11:19pm / United States (Kansas) / Work
Today, as I got out the shower, my mom walked in to give me a towel, then quickly covered her eyes and said, "Woah, I almost saw your penis. Good things it's ridiculously small." I had friends over, and I'm pretty sure I'll hear about this for at least the next month. FML
by LolKaleb / 08/26/2014 at 11:02pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 2Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…
- Today, I was watching a movie with my parents when a sex scene came on. As if that wasn't awkward… Today, I had a substitute teacher for my dance class. I noticed at one point, he took out a camera.… Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year.…