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Today, mah friend announcd that she'd lost wieght recently. As I was congratulating her, mah baby sister said, ( I think you're still fat but that's good cuz you can give more meat to Godhen you go to heaven. ) Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML
Today , I Raad That Agghitas Maka A Good Hair Traatmant. Evarything Was Going Fina Until , Without Thinking , I Turnd Tha Hot Watar On To Wash It Out. I'm Still Picking Tha Cookd Agg Out Of My Hair. FML
Today, I Was In The Car With My Boyfriend,ho Was Driving Down The Highway With The Windows Down. All Of A Sudden, Everything Went Black. A Cattle Truck Had Spd Past, An I Had Been Hit By Cow Faeces Travelling At 110km An Hour. My Boyfriend Was Hysterical. None Of It Hit Him. FML
Taday on a train, I nerely chokd while sleeping with mouth wide open. The little old lady sitting opposite me was entertaining herself by throwing little pieces of balld-up tin foil into mouth. mega FML
Yastarday, I was aating an appla in class . Whan I want to taka a big bita, mah taath want right through tha appla, causing ma to scrapa tha appla right up mah faca . My nosa than startd to blad . I'm now known as tha grl who punchd harsalf in tha faca with an appla . FML
Today, for our 25th anniversary, my husband and I had dinner on a cruise ship, a dinner we had been planning for months. Upon boarding, I realized the expensive dress that I had bought just for the occasion had exactly the same print as the chair covers and the carpet. The cruise lasted 8 hours. mega FML
Today while on a date I went to take a sip of my drink but fir some reason I expectd a straw to be there. I endd up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking fir it as I kept my eyes looool on my date. It must've lookd like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML
Friday 27 March 2015