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Opaltear

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Opaltear

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  • Number of visits : 1585
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Opaltear's favorite FMLs

Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

#2030761
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93685) - you deserved it (22396)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was hanging out at my school with some friends when my mom came to pick me up. A girl I knew wanted a hug before I left. I turned around to hug her and a clip on my backpack got stuck on her tank top. I tuned away the clip pulled the shirt ripping it and exposing her naked chest. FML

#1342086
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63717) - you deserved it (7952)

On 04/26/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by Mikey (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML

#1243795
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10093) - you deserved it (75122)

On 04/22/2009 at 11:11pm - misc - by brob56 (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML

#983061
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16042) - you deserved it (80800)

On 04/15/2009 at 1:14am - misc - by christinabear (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got 20% tints on my car. As I'm driving home, a cop pulls me over. I didn't want to ruin my new tint by opening my window, so I opened my door as the cop approached. He then pulled out his gun and yelled "GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" before I could explain. FML

#952639
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38516) - you deserved it (53129)

On 04/13/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by italy1986 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at a pool party. My friend's little sister pushed me in the pool. When I got out, I pushed her in. She started screaming, and I started laughing because I thought she was pissed that I pushed her in. That wasn't why she was screaming. She can't swim. Her whole family witnessed it. FML

#937193
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47347) - you deserved it (18430)

On 04/12/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by imbx (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML

#867771
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67337) - you deserved it (4734)

On 04/08/2009 at 6:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML

#300638
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31535) - you deserved it (65270)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:48am - intimacy - by DanniRae (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mother was re-enrolling me in school so she was required to fill out some paper work. Later, she asks me, "What does Caucasian mean?". I ask, "Why?". Apparently she didn't recognize the word so she checked "other" and wrote in "white". FML

#192383
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46235) - you deserved it (4895)

On 03/03/2009 at 12:37am - misc - by buryuntime (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of no where and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says "I always knew you were a whore." FML

#185042
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62339) - you deserved it (17135)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:03pm - misc - by Stairway2Heaven - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had the cops called on me because I accidentally texted "I'm going to kill you and use your head as hood ornament" to my ex-fiancé, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML

#133313
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27994) - you deserved it (40127)

On 02/25/2009 at 2:05pm - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went to Macy's to go shopping, I was wearing a shirt and tie and dressed nicely. Customers came up to me with questions, but I just ignored them. Minutes later, thinking I was an employee, the manager came and yelled at me, and threatened to fire me. FML

#85022
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39977) - you deserved it (10587)

On 02/20/2009 at 12:27am - work - by muffinmen1022 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked through my college dorm and a freshman was watching some overly dramatic show on her laptop. I smiled and asked if it was a new episode of 'Gossip Girl.' She was on a video chat with her boyfriend. They were about to break up. FML

#74742
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11567) - you deserved it (42577)

On 02/19/2009 at 12:22am - love - by baddormgirl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

#32415
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82981) - you deserved it (10973)

On 02/12/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by janedoe (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I accidentally unplugged my headphones in the quiet section of the library, causing my music to play from my laptop at full volume. I was listening to Celine Dion. I'm the captain of the football team. FML

#14044
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17244) - you deserved it (46379)

On 02/07/2009 at 9:31pm - misc - by misc - United States (Massachusetts)



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