OmgItzMi

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Offline (the 04/25/2016 at 10:57pm)

OmgItzMi

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 488
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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OmgItzMi's page activity

Visits<b>crzyknt</b> - the 10/04/2013 at 2:40am

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OmgItzMi's favorite FMLs

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

by alison / 07/04/2015 at 1:02am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

by WasntWorthIt / 07/30/2014 at 1:04pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

by Blood on my hands / 08/07/2013 at 1:40am / United States / Animals

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

by lonely dreams / 01/01/2013 at 12:26pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

by ashbeat / 01/01/2013 at 10:20am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 1:02pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Intimacy

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

by Igor / 12/19/2012 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I was in the mall for the second day in a row with my 7-year-old brother. As we walked past Santa he asked me, "Why does Santa look different today"? Not thinking, I said, "Because each mall has a different Santa." FML

by I said whaat / 12/18/2012 at 11:50am / Kids

Today, my neighbor installed a large radio that loudly plays Christmas music 24/7. When I called in a complaint to the police department they told me to, "get in the Christmas spirit." FML

by James / 12/17/2012 at 9:28pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML

by Ape / 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while in class, I desperately had to fart. Someone in the room had a coughing fit, so I took that as the chance to let it out. When I was about to release, the coughing stopped. I couldn't stop in time. FML

by anonymous / 06/08/2011 at 12:47pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear "it's not gonna suck itself." FML

by Username / 06/07/2011 at 2:51am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to my Playstation 3 and my laptop missing and window open. My dad faked a robbery to see me freak out. FML

by dwhite032 / 06/06/2011 at 3:06am / United States (Indiana) / Geek

Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML

by dumped / 06/05/2011 at 1:17am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, we finally got wireless Internet. My mom won't let us open any doors or windows in fear that it might "let the Internet out". It's 103 degrees in here. FML

by meyo555 / 06/02/2011 at 5:45am / United States (Nebraska) / Health