About Olivxr : I'm lazy.
About Olivxr : I'm lazy.
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Olivxr's favorite FMLs
Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML
by ewww / 08/26/2012 at 5:21am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by JMG / 08/19/2012 at 1:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML
by kaitlyna15 / 07/31/2012 at 9:54pm / United States (Washington) / Work
by kumbuck3t15 / 07/29/2012 at 4:20pm / Mexico (Baja California) / Miscellaneous
by chlolivia / 02/13/2012 at 7:28pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by nickthetank / 12/31/2011 at 4:21am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy
by Holly Jolly / 12/26/2011 at 1:33am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymoose / 12/25/2011 at 6:39am / Switzerland (Zurich) / Animals
Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML
by Anonymous / 12/23/2011 at 9:49pm / Australia / Health
by Pimpleeater / 12/20/2011 at 2:45am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Kids
Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML
by scammed / 12/18/2011 at 12:18am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/24/2011 at 5:35am / United Kingdom / Work
by Anonymous / 11/21/2011 at 5:39pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, I was involved in a car accident and hit my head on the dash. I now have huge, very sore knot on my head. My boyfriend now takes every opportunity to poke it and scream "Look! A baby unicorn!" FML
by southernpride93 / 11/18/2011 at 10:26am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
- Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to… Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties,… Today, straight after we had sex, my boyfriend went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long…