About Olivxr : I'm lazy.
About Olivxr : I'm lazy.
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Olivxr's favorite FMLs
Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML
by nekkidness / 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML
by susan / 11/17/2012 at 5:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by poserpilot / 11/12/2012 at 10:10am / United States (California) / Health
by john r.t. / 11/09/2012 at 7:30pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I had to go to my daughter's school because she hasn't been going to class. Her teacher seemed surprised to see me with my husband when we arrived. Apparently I "died" recently and my daughter has had extra responsibility around the house, hence why she doesn't come to class. FML
by Shauna / 11/08/2012 at 6:09am / United States / Kids
Today, my family and I are sitting in our house while Hurricane Sandy is going on. My grandma is freaking out because she believes it's our recently deceased dog Sandy getting revenge for putting her to sleep and getting a new dog. FML
by With_Love929 / 10/29/2012 at 5:45pm / United States (New York) / Animals
by Kallian / 10/25/2012 at 3:08am / Australia / Money
by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on a plane returning to University, and I decided to shut my eyes. I opened them about 45 minutes later just as the plane landed to find I couldn't move at all. I was in sleep paralysis. The air hostesses had to lift me out of my seat. FML
by Dave / 09/27/2012 at 11:46am / United Kingdom / Health
by bacon lovers worst nightmare / 09/26/2012 at 2:57am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 3:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 43-year-old brother's obsession with Breaking Bad reached a new level of stupidity when he nearly got us beaten up by a bunch of meth-heads down by our local park. He went up to them with his shaved head and stupid hat, and tried to act all Walter White with them. FML
by NotJessePinkmanFFS / 09/10/2012 at 2:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by steve / 09/05/2012 at 4:14am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
by masterman / 08/27/2012 at 2:45am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a… Today, I had to make a deal with my 22 year old fiancé. What was the deal? If he put deodorant on,… Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost 3 months. My husband was beaming, saying he had…