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OddBandit

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OddBandit

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Monday 10 June 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 213
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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OddBandit's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband and I decided to tell our sixteen-year-old daughter that she's adopted. Her response was, "Thank God!" FML

#20123551
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25128) - you deserved it (5970)

On 10/19/2012 at 3:59am - kids - by best_mom_ever (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

#20117813
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33107) - you deserved it (2537)

On 10/15/2012 at 8:10am - intimacy - by scarred_sibling - United States

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

#20094121
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21653) - you deserved it (1751)

On 09/29/2012 at 8:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML

#20088535
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21333) - you deserved it (1477)

On 09/25/2012 at 7:20pm - misc - by PerpetuallyHappy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went for my follow-up appointment with my surgeon. He walked into the room and said, "I thought you died." FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by rapping in a voicemail. FML

#20053776
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26083) - you deserved it (3071)

On 09/02/2012 at 8:44am - love - by rotezora (woman) - Switzerland (Basel-Stadt)

Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML

#20047310
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7374) - you deserved it (26678)

On 08/29/2012 at 12:59am - health - by Holly - United States (Colorado)

Today, I announced to my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He immediately denied that it was his because "a childhood accident" supposedly left him sterile. He has a child from a previous relationship. FML

#20046702
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25194) - you deserved it (5195)

On 08/28/2012 at 7:08pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was training a new girl at work. We're always told to find "common interests" with the people we are training to make it less awkward for them. Little did I know that our "common interest" would turn out to be my boyfriend. FML

#20043557
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27233) - you deserved it (1509)

On 08/26/2012 at 11:13pm - love - by damnit. (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML

#20037909
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35707) - you deserved it (10413) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/23/2012 at 4:28pm - love - by thekriss - Sent from mobile version

Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML

#20000538
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17064) - you deserved it (9600)

On 08/03/2012 at 3:28pm - misc - by squeltorey (man) - United States (California)

Today, while trying to look cute and playing with my hair in front of a boy, I pulled a piece of my hair extension out. FML

#19974233
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6870) - you deserved it (42098)

On 07/22/2012 at 10:13am - misc - by Roma-Jay - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I found out my late grandfather left me a significant amount of money in his will. I thought it was weird because he always acted like he hated me. When I got the envelope, there was $500,000 inside, all in Monopoly money. FML

#19961966
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34404) - you deserved it (3000)

On 07/20/2012 at 1:13am - money - by Rachel - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

#19877341
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33058) - you deserved it (4783)

On 07/01/2012 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

#19867387
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20885) - you deserved it (5960)

On 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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