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NuTrees's favorite FMLs
by geez_wth / 05/06/2012 at 7:54am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, feeling desperate, I asked my dad for advice on how to get a girl. He asked me why I want to even date. I panicked and said I just wanted to make someone happy. He told me that if I wanted to make someone happy, I should "just start by getting a goddamn vasectomy". FML
by AnonymousUser / 05/04/2012 at 8:01pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML
by Aus / 04/26/2012 at 10:43am / United States / Love
Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML
by A Henderson / 04/25/2012 at 4:50pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 04/23/2012 at 5:51am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 04/23/2012 at 12:44am / United States / Love
by still hungry / 04/21/2012 at 9:04am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by MI3 / 04/19/2012 at 3:34am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by yuuupyup / 04/17/2012 at 8:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was Skyping with this kid, when his girlfriend started arguing with him. They do this every other week, and there was a bet on when they'd finally break up. I egged the guy on and told him not to take her shit. She ended up dumping him. Now I feel like an asshole, and all for a lousy $20. FML
by c*nt / 04/13/2012 at 7:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 6:32am / United States / Health
by bman / 04/07/2012 at 2:41am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by SG / 03/24/2012 at 8:14am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML
by Simms / 03/13/2012 at 10:32pm / United States / Work
Today, I hooked up with my ex-girlfriend, after she confessed to still being in love with me. I logged into Facebook after she left, only to find her status set to "I think I just made a big mistake." FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2012 at 7:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…