About NuTrees : Im only here for the popcorn
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NuTrees's favorite FMLs
Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML
by kay / 06/01/2012 at 5:08pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the hospital for stomach pains, and was told that it sounds like I have an ovarian cyst. My mom went into a rage, screaming that I'd lied to her about being a virgin. Despite the doctor explaining that sexual activity has nothing to do with it, she refuses to believe him. FML
by Briscuit / 06/01/2012 at 5:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML
by emonsteadman / 05/28/2012 at 10:05am / United States (Texas) / Work
by ilovemymomma / 05/26/2012 at 3:15am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I had dinner with my family for the first time in a couple of days. My mum and dad spent the majority of the time arguing whether salt or pepper weighed more. This is why I'm not home often. FML
by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 7:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Fire0fisis / 05/23/2012 at 5:38am / Hong Kong / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because my mom's lazy eye creeps him out, and that my dad hates him. She doesn't have a lazy eye, he's never met my dad, never seen my mom, and now according to his friends, he's been cheating on me for the past two weeks. FML
by Anonymous / 05/19/2012 at 7:20pm / Sri Lanka (Western) / Love
Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML
by Anonymous / 05/19/2012 at 6:54pm / United States / Health
Today, my wardrobe door jammed, and I couldn't change out into some nice clothes for my date. On the way there, my car broke down. Not wanting to be late and make a bad impression, I scuttled the rest of the way, only to find I'd been stood up. FML
by cheesfactor / 05/19/2012 at 3:50pm / Bulgaria (Ruse) / Miscellaneous
by nick / 05/18/2012 at 3:22am / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/17/2012 at 8:00am / United States / Love
Today, my 20-year-old son's external hard-drive stopped working. He's crying on my shoulder now, not because of the movies, porn, work, or music he probably lost, but because of the now irretrievable complete series of Digimon that he'd collected. FML
by OytoBeAfather / 05/15/2012 at 11:05pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was applying some eyeliner, my cat jumped onto the counter and managed to headbutt me. The wand scratched a good portion of my eyeball, and now for the next few weeks, I will have to deal with the pain of a corneal abrasion. FML
by rhya4n / 05/15/2012 at 3:27pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Health
Today, my pet mouse demonstrated that he has bigger balls than my boyfriend, by running across the dinner table and eating off his plate, all while he jumped out of his chair, screaming like a girl. FML
by gl0b3suck0r / 05/08/2012 at 12:41pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/08/2012 at 7:35am / United States / Intimacy