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NuTrees's favorite FMLs
by brooke / 08/13/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML
by kherien / 08/12/2012 at 1:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out with a friend to grab some food and we were served by this really cute and fun waiter. Stepping out of my comfort zone and deciding to do something crazy, I left my phone number on the bill. I got home only to realize that I forgot to pay the bill. FML
by Anonymous / 08/09/2012 at 7:39am / United States (Texas) / Love
by rxcrs3 / 08/09/2012 at 2:44am / United States / Intimacy
Today, while doing my job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around the parking lot and picked some trash up, trying to help out. Faith in humanity: +1. About an hour later I saw a woman pick a bug off of her windshield and eat it. Faith in humanity: -200. FML
by TJ / 08/08/2012 at 7:23am / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, I came out to my parents. I don't really fit any stereotype, I'm just an average guy who happens to be into guys. Ten minutes later, I overheard my mother say to my step-dad, "Should we redecorate his room pink?" FML
by ohai95 / 08/07/2012 at 8:11pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous
by Roma-Jay / 07/22/2012 at 10:13am / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous
by Taylor / 07/15/2012 at 10:42am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by RIP / 07/15/2012 at 1:02am / United States / Miscellaneous
by etmerda / 07/12/2012 at 6:31am / United States / Miscellaneous
by PEGASISTER FOR LIIIIIIIIFFFFFEEEEE!!!!! / 06/08/2012 at 5:30pm / Mexico / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having a debate with my friend, who actually believes karma is real. He got very angry with me and stormed off, tripping over his own feet in the process. I laughed and asked what he'd done in a past life to deserve that one. He responded by getting up and punching me. FML
by sh3n-D / 06/07/2012 at 5:26pm / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Health
Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML
by obtuse_ballsack / 06/04/2012 at 4:37pm / Croatia (Grad Zagreb) / Kids
Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise. I stood up, took a moment to soak up some sunlight, and then spent the next hour too scared to go make my morning coffee, after my mother loudly moaned, "Ah yeah, give it to me, Woody!" from down the hall. FML
by huh / 06/02/2012 at 4:31pm / United Kingdom (South Ayrshire) / Intimacy
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
by dating a manchild / 06/01/2012 at 7:50pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…
- Today, my girlfriend kindly let me know that she didn't care that I am 'below average' in the penis… Today, to get back at me for breaking up with him, my ex-boyfriend thought it would be really funny… Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is…