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Today, I had a really cute waitress at lunch. I decided to leave my number and a $50 bill for a $15 check. When I left the restaurant I realized I still had the $50 but a $1 bill was missing from my wallet. I've been getting threatening text messages all day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12469) - you deserved it (45750)
On 04/06/2009 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML
I agree, your life sucks (227135) - you deserved it (13763)
On 04/04/2009 at 2:15pm - intimacy - by GuitarChick42 (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (199155) - you deserved it (58812)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57098) - you deserved it (3055)
On 03/30/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (188848) - you deserved it (21097)
On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (460731) - you deserved it (572399)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML
I agree, your life sucks (66391) - you deserved it (6627)
On 03/09/2009 at 1:04pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (Ontario)
Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They decided it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51825) - you deserved it (3588)
On 03/08/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by kelsey (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
I agree, your life sucks (650308) - you deserved it (11978)
On 02/20/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by Mick (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9596) - you deserved it (47128)
On 02/12/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by a genius (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (74768) - you deserved it (13849)
On 02/09/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by douglisk1994 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML
I agree, your life sucks (483352) - you deserved it (43396)
On 02/07/2009 at 10:08pm - misc - by bittersweet - United States (New York)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (526469) - you deserved it (37865)
On 02/06/2009 at 10:29am - intimacy - by caroline (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, the only girl I really loved said to me: I want you to be the father of my child, but I don't want to be your girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18729) - you deserved it (1055)
On 01/15/2009 at 11:12am - love - by J.Smith - Sent from mobile version
Today, the girl I'm secretly in love with, whom I was talking to on MSN, told me she'd "brb in 10, no wait 20, oh make that 30 min" depending on her boyfriend's stamina. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53552) - you deserved it (6533)
On 10/28/2008 at 7:13am - intimacy - by loon - Sent from mobile version
Monday 20 May 2013
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