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Niner1209

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Niner1209

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  • Number of visits : 76
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Niner1209's favorite FMLs

Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML

#20523889
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27738) - you deserved it (3753)

On 02/26/2013 at 11:50pm - misc - by Jan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML

#20516811
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6921) - you deserved it (45370)

On 02/21/2013 at 9:56pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML

#20415295
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36096) - you deserved it (5095)

On 12/23/2012 at 1:02am - misc - by oh my son - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at the gas station, the automatic door didn't open when I approached it. I asked the cashier to open it for me, joking that because I'm a redhead, I didn't have a soul and it wouldn't open for me. The cashier freaked and wouldn't let me go until I proved I had a soul. FML

#20199980
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25667) - you deserved it (5167)

On 12/11/2012 at 1:07am - misc - by Devil (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML

#20199452
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23307) - you deserved it (2388)

On 12/10/2012 at 7:04pm - animals - by MoreActionThanMe - United States

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

#20185787
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36276) - you deserved it (3399)

On 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by julia (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, as an introduction to the history of China, I asked my APA World History class to write a 500 word essay on a historical Chinese person. Out of a class of 18, five of them were about Mulan. FML

#20102571
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21193) - you deserved it (4442)

On 10/05/2012 at 5:47am - work - by desperate (woman) - Malta

Today, my boyfriend and I reached that point in our relationship where just a simple phone conversation was too boring. His idea to spice things up? Playing Minecraft together. FML

#20035502
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17281) - you deserved it (5780)

On 08/22/2012 at 11:13am - love - by Minecraftwhyyy (woman) - United States

Today, I was so bored that I actually read the iTunes store's terms and conditions. FML

#20024681
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31282) - you deserved it (7492)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:50pm - misc - by cardsftw - United States (California)

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14809) - you deserved it (38491)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML

#19918640
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32518) - you deserved it (2026)

On 07/10/2012 at 12:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, during an Easter egg hunt, I found divorce papers. FML

#19428226
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34549) - you deserved it (2359)

On 04/08/2012 at 5:16am - love - by claudio117 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML

#18744677
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49267) - you deserved it (46288)

On 01/08/2012 at 9:36am - intimacy - by omgwhyme (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my sister confessed to me that she sold some of my old shirts to the girl who's stalking me. This explains why I got a note that read, "I have your scent, now I can track you." FML

#16965226
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41088) - you deserved it (2611)

On 07/03/2011 at 8:27pm - misc - by beablue18 - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, while making my son lunch, he pooped, took off his diaper, stepped in it, and then climbed to the gate to call for me. When I arrived, he had a big smile on his face and exclaimed, "Look!" Shit footprints were everywhere. FML



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