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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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NeoJoe

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NeoJoe
  • Town/Country : NC, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 24 December 1990 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 661
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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NeoJoe's favorite FMLs

Today, the subway was extremely crowded and I ended up with my butt in a man's crotch. I kept trying to inch away or turn a different way, but there was no room. He could have turned to face the doors, but didn't. He got an erection. I was on there with him for 20 minutes. FML

#5486035 (195)

I agree, your life sucks (37056) - you deserved it (3638)

On 09/26/2009 at 2:21pm - misc - by grossgross (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out my new bed?" as a mass text while I was asleep to every boy in my phone. Mark will be here in an hour, Jon wants to know what I'm wearing, and my ex's new girlfriend is not amused. FML

#5378920 (93)

I agree, your life sucks (28064) - you deserved it (2260)

On 09/20/2009 at 7:19pm - misc - by Anathema_360 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was watching The Omen with my father. A little bit into the movie my dad turned to me and said, "Wow, you really looked like that Damien kid when you were little." Apparently I strangely resemble the anti-christ, and I am a teenage girl. Thanks Dad. FML

#5373762 (96)

I agree, your life sucks (25087) - you deserved it (3004)

On 09/20/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML

#4774065 (130)

I agree, your life sucks (16457) - you deserved it (27808)

On 08/24/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by NotThatKind (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a clothing store. I tried on a dress, but decided it was too much for me. Taking it off, I realize my hair was tangled in the big security button. The employees had to bring me to the front of the store, lay me on the counter, and take the button out in front of a laughing crowd. FML

#4483949 (63)

I agree, your life sucks (31176) - you deserved it (2652)

On 08/12/2009 at 8:10pm - misc - by ForeverEmbarrassed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

#4483118 (426)

I agree, your life sucks (43233) - you deserved it (14235)

On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I sat on an elevator for 10 minutes thinking I was stuck. After waiting awhile I looked at the screen to see what floor I was stuck on, only to realize I hadn't pressed a button so I had just stayed on the ground floor. FML

#3578218 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (5174) - you deserved it (43238)

On 07/08/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by Nancy (woman) -

Today, I fell asleep on the bus and when I woke up, I found out that I missed my stop by ten stops and I was on the last bus of the night. And, to make matters worse, a drunk hobo was sitting next to me with a beer in one hand and was rubbing my leg with the other. FML

#3574946 (83)

I agree, your life sucks (34605) - you deserved it (6887)

On 07/08/2009 at 3:24am - misc - by feltuponthe69 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

#3484293 (190)

I agree, your life sucks (41960) - you deserved it (16633)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by DutchOven (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, at work I had to use the bathroom. I asked my boss to watch my register and quickly walked into the bathroom. I squatted down and peed. A minute later I heard someone ask over our walkie talkie system who was using the bathroom. I had been pressing the intercom button while I peed. FML

#3456831 (51)

I agree, your life sucks (23678) - you deserved it (8204)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:19pm - work - by PeePee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

#3456534 (193)

I agree, your life sucks (55198) - you deserved it (3434)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - animals - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML

#3414555 (143)

I agree, your life sucks (36691) - you deserved it (14925)

On 07/02/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by S4L - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML

#3361418 (151)

I agree, your life sucks (46073) - you deserved it (6572)

On 06/30/2009 at 7:53am - health - by poopshooter101 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML

#3354281 (150)

I agree, your life sucks (21267) - you deserved it (33137)

On 06/30/2009 at 12:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my brother and I were going to give our parents their anniversary gift which cost us over $3000. The gift was a trip to London in August to see a show on Michael Jackson's comeback tour. FML

#3237378 (366)

I agree, your life sucks (79683) - you deserved it (6389)

On 06/26/2009 at 10:31am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Rhode Island)