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NeCKX's favorite FMLs
Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML
by kufan1324 / 06/04/2012 at 11:47pm / United States / Work
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML
by Anonymous / 06/01/2012 at 4:46pm / Greece (Attiki) / Intimacy
Today, I was getting coffee with my aunt, and she asked me to pay. She then turned to the Barista and said, "He's never had a girlfriend before, and I wanted to show him that they take your money." The Barista laughed so hard she had to excuse herself. FML
by brannonjames / 05/10/2012 at 6:20pm / United States / Love
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm / France / Miscellaneous
by mista_sandy / 04/11/2012 at 12:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by ladylarni / 04/07/2012 at 4:20am / Australia / Love
by Tanner / 04/06/2012 at 10:26pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML
by anonymous / 04/01/2012 at 2:38pm / United States / Intimacy
by GetHardOrGoHome / 03/31/2012 at 12:22am / United States (Ohio) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/28/2012 at 2:57am / United States / Animals
by Brittany / 03/27/2012 at 10:38pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
by Anonymous / 03/25/2012 at 1:21pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was on the train ride home from a trip to Florida, and I gave my mom a call. While we talked, I made an offhand comment that all my friends back home must miss me. She knowingly asked if I meant my Sims and my cat. FML
by lyla / 03/20/2012 at 3:15pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a conversation with another patient in my gyno's waiting room. It was about her getting pregnant in a truck while passed out drunk, her therapist's frequent use of a "For Dummies" books, and how she had waxed and oiled everything to impress our doctor. FML
by PatientInWaiting / 03/19/2012 at 6:37am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Redhead4life / 03/17/2012 at 8:48pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
- Today, I’m in Rome for Halloween. I went out with few friends and spent the night with a man. The… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only…