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NeCKX's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 7:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/13/2014 at 5:27am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML
by outsmartedbykids / 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/20/2014 at 12:03am / United States (Idaho) / Animals
by lacy / 03/01/2014 at 3:23am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
Today, after getting back from my interior design class, I told my husband that I learned the golden rule for home decor: "Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful." He looked at me dead in the eyes, and didn't say a word. FML
by housedoctor / 02/22/2014 at 6:01am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Love
Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm / United States / Love
Today, I was getting ready for a night out with the girls, and without any hint of trickery, just wanting an honest answer, I asked my boyfriend how I looked in the dress I chose. He immediately dropped to his knees, yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" and calmly left the room. FML
by -_-" / 01/11/2014 at 6:13pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML
by Anonymous / 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found a great recipe for dinner, and emailed it to myself with the subject "Dinner tonight". Hours later, I'd forgotten all about it, opened my emails, saw the subject line, and thought someone was asking me out to dinner. I got really excited until I saw the sender address. FML
by Mels / 01/06/2014 at 3:57pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
by Elisa_LmR / 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm / France / Miscellaneous
by noway / 01/03/2014 at 6:03am / France (Pays de la Loire) / Kids
Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML
by Purplexus / 01/02/2014 at 9:13am / Turkey (Ankara) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…