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Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24654) - you deserved it (107299)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52305) - you deserved it (4040)
On 05/17/2009 at 1:46am - work - by sonofmilf (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (213148) - you deserved it (10194)
On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my boyfriend decided to take me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club pointing to the woman. It was his mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20803) - you deserved it (51740)
On 04/20/2009 at 3:59am - misc - by SuperBunny (woman) - United States (California)
Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (165738) - you deserved it (22256)
On 03/26/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by JAY22 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (314486) - you deserved it (41297)
On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was babysitting this one year old. She just learned how to say yes so if you asked her ANYTHING, she'd say yes. I asked her if she liked vegetables and she said "yes!" Then I asked her if I was pretty... she looked at me and said "NO." FML
I agree, your life sucks (52531) - you deserved it (10504)
On 03/01/2009 at 3:29pm - kids - by hi (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was babysitting this one year old. She just learned how to say yes so if you asked her ANYTHING, she'd say yes. I asked her if she liked vegetables and she said "yes!" Then I asked her if I was pretty... she looked at me and said "NO." FML
I agree, your life sucks (52531) - you deserved it (10504)
On 03/01/2009 at 3:29pm - kids - by hi (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16829) - you deserved it (37665)
On 02/23/2009 at 5:11pm - misc - by catfish - United States (Texas)
Today, I got fired from my job. I worked for my parents. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29538) - you deserved it (7248)
On 02/05/2009 at 6:41am - work - by fml (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, the cleaning lady left a note that said my room was too dirty to clean. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5457) - you deserved it (22506)
On 02/03/2009 at 7:40am - misc - by fuckedalready (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Monday 17 June 2013
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