About N3v3rst0pz : ...what about me?
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N3v3rst0pz's favorite FMLs
Today, I was sitting in Walmart and I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with "You know I'm a guy right?" FML
by Anonymous / 03/26/2011 at 2:24am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML
by nosleeptilpissoff / 03/18/2011 at 11:54am / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
Today, I set up a mouse trap to kill the rodent plaguing my kitchen. While lying in bed, I heard an unmistakable snap, and ran to see what I'd caught. The mouse trap was missing. I now have a large, angry, and possibly dying animal running around my house. FML
by mike / 03/11/2011 at 1:34pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
by Anon. / 03/01/2011 at 6:51pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by newmother / 12/05/2010 at 8:38am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2010 at 9:42am / Reserved / Work
by uselessdad / 09/07/2010 at 7:48pm / Singapore / Kids
by DLS / 02/18/2010 at 1:05pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
by matchristityler / 02/09/2010 at 3:19am / United States (Texas) / Kids
by CheeseMonsters / 01/24/2010 at 7:28am / United Kingdom (Reading) / Animals
Today, I woke up to the news that my son had put the cat in the dryer the night before. He didn't turn it on, and the cat is just fine, but now I need a new dryer so my clothes won't smell like cat urine. FML
by nocatlover / 01/21/2010 at 4:40pm / United States / Kids
by BathroomMuch / 12/25/2009 at 11:15am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was enjoying the benefits of marriage with my new husband. We were changing positions when my joints started crackling and popping like my mother's did when I was a kid. My husband stopped, concerned about my possible pain... I'm 20 years old and pop like an arthritic 50 year old. FML
by Anonymous / 11/20/2009 at 4:27pm / United States (Ohio) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/31/2009 at 12:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my best friend of 12 years told me she couldn't attend my wedding. What was so important to… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I… Today, I ran an experiment perfectly in lab. I was the last in my class to finish and proud of how…