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About MyLifeSucks_You : Um. Yeah.
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Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML
Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" an then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
Today, I had to listan to yat anothar dalusional fuckfaca at school bitch about how a girl ha's intarastad in put him in tha "friand-zona". I raally couldn't focus on mah work, so I triad to shut him up by saying ha's an idiot, not laast bacausa sha alraady has a boyfriand. I now hava a black aya. FML
Today, the regional manager of mah company cummed out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that mah palms were sweaty, andhen he reached out to shake mah hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, u made me wet." FML
Today, I had my college graduation ceremony. As I was walking across the stage, some asshat, in front of over 55,000 students and staff, brazenly ran across the stage, snatchd my diploma up out of the president's hand, and ran off. FML
Today I walkd into ta living room to find ma 11-yaar-old daugtar about to kiss ar ( not ma boyfriand ) on ta lips. Wan I askd wat sa tougt sa was doing sa paald a piaca of scotc tapa off ar lips and said ( It's okay! Wa'ra using protaction. ) FML
Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home 4 his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML
Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot grl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement!! The look on his face after I proved that ( her ) pictures were fake broke my heret!! FML
Today, mah school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor,ho wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in mah sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML
TADAY AT WORK AT A FARM, WE GOT A NEW CALF. IT LOOKD LIKE IT HAD TO POOP, BUT WAS HAVING DIFFICULTY. ABOUT FOUR HOURS LATER IT STILL HADN'T POOPD. TURNS OUT IT WAS BORN WITHOUT AN ACTUAL BUTTHOLE. IT WAS THERE, JUST SEALD UP BY SKIN. I LITERALLY HAD TO CUT THIS POOR CALF A NEW BUTTHOLE. FML
yesterday I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flower and cocolate from an ( Anonymou Admirer ). Se immediately dumped me, saying se couldn't be wit someoneo ( isn't even as romantic as a stranger ). Yep, I looool tink I just got dumped for myself. FML
Friday 27 March 2015